Chaos Erupts as RFK Jr.’s Bizarre Outburst Stuns International Summit

Have you ever found yourself at a diplomatic event, quietly sipping stale coffee and wondering, “What could possibly go wrong?” Yeah, I didn’t think “rabid Cabinet member” would make the top of your list either . But, surprise—America’s capital has outdone itself again . Imagine, for a split second, you’re just trying to make small talk about the weather, and suddenly the Secretary of Health launches at your leg like a deranged Saint Bernard in July . Only in D.C. would “Is your government official up-to-date on their shots?” become a necessary ice-breaker . Sheesh, maybe skip the zebra meat hors d’oeuvres at the next State dinner! If the visual of White House staff frantically waving raw meat while foreign dignitaries patch up bite wounds doesn’t leave you dizzy, I don’t know what will . Are we still sure this isn’t all just some elaborate national performance art piece? For the full rabid revelations, brace yourself and LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—In what may be their first apology issued for the behavior of a Cabinet member, White House officials reportedly apologized to a foreign dignitary Tuesday after the man was bitten by a rabid Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “Sorry, sorry, that’s just our health secretary—I don’t know what’s gotten into him!” senior aide Tasha Sturbridge said as Kennedy snarled and sank his teeth deep into the leg of Japanese envoy Haruto Tanaka, with eyewitnesses reporting a mixture of blood and frothed saliva ringing the secretary’s mouth as his eyes rolled back in his head. “Bobby, let go. Let go! Someone throw him some of his favorite zebra meat so he’ll go for that instead. Mr. Tanaka, my apologies, but you should probably get that looked at. The secretary definitely isn’t up to date on his shots.” At press time, reports con- firmed rabies cases were sky- rocketing in the D.C. area after Kennedy bolted out an open door of the White House.