Elon Musk Teases Political Comeback After Mysterious Defeats in ‘Elden Ring Nightreign’—What’s Driving His Next Move?

Has anyone ever wondered if the real challenge for a billionaire isn’t running an empire, but making it past the “lock-on” tutorial in a video game? I’ll admit, I chuckled—okay, snorted—when I first saw the image of Elon Musk, gritting his teeth over yet another digital demise . Sixty times he fell to the same lumbering foe in Elden Ring Nightreign, and suddenly, politics looked easier than hitting ‘dodge’ with the right timing . Honestly, isn’t there something comforting about knowing that even the world’s richest space cowboy can be completely outwitted by a tutorial boss designed for literal children ? As Musk’s ambition ping-pongs from Capitol Hill back to his controller, I can’t help but ask: is rage-quitting a video game the universe’s way of rebalancing the scales ? For those craving every cringe-worthy detail about Musk’s in-game struggles and his, um, questionable problem-solving strategies, it’s all laid bare in the original source—click here to <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/MuskWeighsNIB_PH-G.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

AUSTIN, TX—Reconsidering his recent departure from Washington as the words ‘YOU DIED’ appeared once more on his screen, billionaire Elon Musk reportedly weighed a return to politics Monday after his 60th death on the tutorial level of Elden Ring Nightreign. “Seems like these enemies are glitched to be unkillable—maybe I should stop back by the DOGE offices until the devs roll out a patch to fix these hitboxes,” Musk said as he waited to respawn for another attempt, with eyewitnesses reporting that he had died against a weak, sluggish enemy intended only to teach him the basics of lock-on targeting. “There must be some congressional special election I can get involved with until they buff Wylder to have better survivability. Dodge rolling needs at least twice the i-frames to be viable. FromSoft must have gone woke and added some DEI hires to their quality assurance team to ship a game this broken. Too bad. I’d been looking forward to some gaming after all my hard work for the American people, but perhaps another government gig like overhauling NASA would be a better use of my talents.” At press time, sources confirmed Musk was contemplating a return to Elden Ring Nightreign after his 60th unreturned phone call to President Donald Trump.