Mysterious Alarm Triggers Sudden White House Evacuation—What Set It Off?
Ever wonder what would happen if the White House swapped its nuclear launch codes for a siren that yells “Trans, trans, trans!” at the first whiff of gender fluidity? Me neither, but here we are . If history has taught us anything, it’s that you can never be too careful when estrogen sensors in the West Wing start screeching and the president is hustled out like a contestant on The Masked Singer who just belted out “I Will Survive.” I mean, forget hackers or spies—the true existential threat, apparently, is someone nonchalantly expressing themselves within government-issued blast-door range . Why does it feel like we’ve stumbled into a satirical fever dream where the Secret Service is handing out hormone-proof vests and cabinet members are praying to the church of hyper-masculinity? Dive in if you, too, are bracing for the day the next security breach is announced by a glitter cannon and a rainbow alert system . See the glorious chaos yourself: LEARN MORE
WASHINGTON—In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking administration officials vulnerable to attack, the White House was evacuated Tuesday after the building’s trans alarm went off.
Officials confirmed the transgender alert system was triggered during President Donald Trump’s morning briefing, when infrared estrogen sensors in the West Wing detected a large spike in gender fluidity dangerously close to the Oval Office. With an alarm blaring the words “Trans, trans, trans,” the Secret Service initiated a Code Rainbow, which prompted agents to rush the president to safety, place Cabinet members in a hormone-proof bunker, and secure the premises from radical gender ideology.
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