Why Is This Mom Insisting Her Kids Throw a Wild Party at Home Instead of a Celebrity’s Mansion?

Okay, so riddle me this: when did hosting a “freak-off” in the comfort of your own finished basement become the sanitized, slightly less horrifying alternative to letting the kids run amok in a rap mogul’s Ibiza hideout? Flipping through this snapshot, you’ve got a mom who’d rather mop up stray ecstasy pellets and something unspeakable on the sectional than lie awake imagining her teenagers lubricated in baby oil by someone named Lil Anything. Honestly, can anyone blame her? There’s something almost nostalgic—if you squint hard enough—about the modern parent’s all-consuming urge to keep chaos close enough to police, but just far enough to wonder about the property value . So, what’s more reckless—letting your kids lose their minds under your watchful (ish) eye, or pretending “freak-offs” are a myth invented by the pharmaceutical lobby? All I know is, if my daughters ever throw a Drugapalooza in the den and I’m not invited, I’d at least better be the one writing the NDA . For the full, surreal tale, <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/MomWouldNIB_PH-S.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

CLEVELAND—Insisting she preferred the peace of mind that came from knowing who her children were spending time with, local mom Sandra Peck told reporters Tuesday she would rather her kids host a freak-off in their own basement instead of at some rapper’s house. “Of course, I’d rather they not freak-off at all, but if they’re going to do it, I want them and their friends to be safe instead of getting baby oil from some strange rap mogul,” said Peck, arguing that she would be able to monitor her teenage daughters and their classmates as long as they were having a drug-fueled marathon in the family’s finished basement instead of a hip-hop artist’s private estate in Ibiza. “If shit’s going to get crazy, I want them to do it under our roof, period. Sure, some of them might dissociate and make a mess. But we can ultimately clean up the bodily fluids and ecstasy the next day. The important thing is we know where they are. Otherwise, I’m just going to stay up all night worrying.” Peck added that she thought hosting a freak-off could also be a powerful learning experience for her kids about how to responsibly contain legal fallout from such a night through NDAs.