23 Therapists Reveal the Shocking Signs They Knew Their Relationships Were Doomed—and How They Handled It
In all my years of marriage counseling, I’ve realized the one sign that a couple won’t make it. They show contempt for each other. Not even hatred or anger, just disdain. Eg eye-rolling, diminishing one another’s points etc.
Therapist here… In my experience strong healthy relationships are built on two very important qualities: trust and respect. Love is not included in these qualities because love is not a determiner of a strong/healthy relationship.
Dysfunctional relationships are still possible among people who love each other. And loving someone isn’t the only reason to stay with a person. Many of the clients that I’ve worked with in the past who are in very dysfunctional relationships have actually stayed solely because of love, but continue to struggle in those relationships because they lack trust and respect.
Without respect and trust most relationships are doomed to struggle or fail. For the couples that I’ve worked with I always assess for whether or not trust and respect is present. And then build treatment goals around seeing if it possible to develope those qualities. If they are not willing or able, then in most cases those relationships are likely to end.
Not personally, but I did have a professor tell a story of doing this in a single session.
Basically when he was working as a couples therapist he had one couple who came in for their very first session and the wife immediately starts going off on him. She tells the therapist that the relationship is never going to work, she wants to break up, and the only reason she was there was because her husband insisted. The husband, meanwhile, sits there quietly for thirty minutes while the wife explains all the reasons she can’t stand him anymore.
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