23 Therapists Reveal the Shocking Signs They Knew Their Relationships Were Doomed—and How They Handled It
For me, generally “This is a bad relationship you don’t need” comes after the client identifies the relationship isn’t one they need. It’s used as a confirmation instead of a demand.
As a therapist it’s not my place to try to get them to reunify…that takes their power and gives it to me instead of me teaching them skills to make their own informed decision. That being said, whenever one half of the couple comes in and says they’re there because their spouse made them come, it’s pretty rare that they decide to stay together.
All relationships are “resolvable” until one party decides they won’t put in the effort. These people are fairly easy to spot, even at the beginning. Still, humans have a great capacity for change and surprises do occur.
I try not to think of this issue in terms of “can I help them” as much as “will they do what is necessary to repair this relationship.” It is often immediately clear that discrepancies exist in motivation, and this usually holds true upon further assessment. Here are the couples I see that I’m less optimistic about:
Couples who refuse to participate in counseling. I give all kinds of homework, usually related to enhancing communication and building connection. Couples who come back after the first few sessions and report zero effort to do any homework (and not just my homework, but things that would serve the same purpose) are usually couples who have checked out.
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