75 Common “Flexes” That Secretly Reveal the Opposite of Success—Are You Guilty?
Ever met someone who proudly claims they’ve never used sunscreen — while looking like a freshly boiled lobster? That’s just the tip of a bizarre iceberg. People love to flex in the weirdest ways imaginable, from bragging about how “busy” they are without even enjoying music, to thinking skipping reading makes them cooler. But behind the façade of these so-called “flexes” is often a mix of odd pride, misplaced confidence, and downright head-scratching moments. So, why do we glorify these quirky boasts that make us question reality? Buckle up — you’re about to dive into some of the weirdest and most hilarious flexes people have ever thought made them look like a million bucks (spoiler alert: they usually don’t). LEARN MORE
My cousin once bragged that he had never used sunscreen in his life. Said it with total pride like he was invincible, while peeling like a lobster on vacation. lmao.
A manager of a different department to me prided herself on being crazy busy all the time. She proudly told me she hasn’t listened to music in 15 years because she doesn’t have time. I asked if she has a radio in her car and she said she turns it off. I said, what about in supermarkets where they play background music, she said she tunes it out and ignores it. This conversation was about 12 years ago and I’m still so confused.
“I don’t read” the guy actually thought this made him cool. I followed the question with “not even magazine articles?” This was right before smartphones completely took over. I was in shock. Still am. He made it sound like he goes out of his way to avoid reading. Like he likes to be willfully ignorant of all things that feed the brain. Maybe I’m a snob, but I can’t get behind that. At the very least, maybe read a shampoo bottle when you poop!
“I worked 80 hours last week”
A guy at my salaried job. .
I’ve said this before and it was popular, so I’ll say it again. Anyone who bragged about not getting good grades.
My neighbors across the street. A mom, her daughter, and 2 grandkids. She was pissed because the school was sending the police due to her granddaughters missing too many days.
‘I didnt finish high school and neither did my daughter, and we turned out fine!’
No, you didnt. You have 4 people in a 2 bedroom house that’s falling apart and no car between the 4 of you. She was ranting about this while I was giving her a ride across town, because we are nice people and would occasionally help them.
My ex boss said he doesn’t even know the name of his son or how old he exactly is. He’s married, his son and wife live in the same house. He’s just a d**k.
An old guy that I used to work with used to say all the time….I’ve smoked for 52 years…since I was 13.
My mom used to brag that she stayed in an a*****e relationship because she didn’t want to be a “homie hopper” and women should stay loyal to one man and one man only
Anyways, the guy stabbed her and almost k**led her in 2016.
Does this count? I had a boss who would call my handwriting ugly and chicken scratch. She thought she had the “authority” to say it because she won an award for her handwriting, which she bragged about almost once a week. Eventually, I learned that the award she won was from Grade 3……………….. Girly was in her 70s!
My ex brother in law, when we first met him, said he had a file of Domestic Violence charges as thick as a phonebook.
That was a miserable 4 years.
Guy hitting on me at a bar in Los Angeles asked me what I did. Told him I was a 2nd year at UC Berkeley Law.
He guffawed in my face and said “I was just in a national PEDIGREE commercial.” Pedigree as in dog food.
I know this person who has these giant bicep muscles. Him and his partner would always brag how they’re the biggest in the area. But honestly, they look ridiculous. Like someone jammed toddler head into his arm, they’re huge. But it’s not proportional to the rest of his body. I went home and had a good cackle with my husband about it.
“I’ve had all degrees of burns.” In college, my husband was loitering in a hallway waiting for his class to open and was standing near a girl and a guy. Girls hands are both wrapped in gauze and the guy asks why. She says she has second degree burns on her hands and had to wrap them up. Then he very confidently comes out with “yeah, well I’ve had all degrees of burns” as the ultimate story top. It is said frequently around my home to this day and is a part of our family vocabulary.
“I smoked through all five of my pregnancies and my kids turned out fine.”
My boss, when I was pregnant and explaining why I didn’t want to sit on the dock and smoke anymore.
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