75 Common “Flexes” That Secretly Reveal the Opposite of Success—Are You Guilty?
I once walked out of the grocery store to see a guy leaning against this beautiful electric blue mustang, hitting on some girls and flexing on his ride and how hard he worked to get it and how he could take them for a spin in it if they’d agree to go on a date with him.
It was my mustang. I set the alarm off and just watched the panic from a distance.
A couple of weeks ago, a mother of 4 was talking and goes,
“I took their pacifiers away really early, and if they sucked their thumb, I just spanked em! None of them suck their thumb now!”
She was beaming with pride, and at that moment, I realized why when she called any of the girls, they instantly ran over. As a young parent, I’m not here to judge your parenting style, but at the same time, beating behavior out of your kid isnt the flex you think it is.
My brother in law has bragged to me several times about the eye doctor saying he has the strongest eyelids she has ever dealt with.
“You’re allergic to shellfish? Psh, so am I but I don’t let it stop me.” Then the guy proceeds to down four or five shrimp.
Imma throw in here I’ve been severely allergic for a couple years, he’d just found out and at first it was just mild skin irritation and a scratchy throat.
Glad I had a back up epi and knew how to use it, exposing himself the way he had been had made the allergy so much worse. Still took him to the ER and stayed with him till they got him unshrimped lol.
“I don’t use my PTO” soooo you’re working for free basically? Weird flex but ok (we get X amount of days off that don’t roll over or pay out).
Dude I knew used to brag about how he keeps his car super clean because he washes it every weekend in front of his house.
turns out he tried starting up a car washing business and it went under. He has like five years worth of cleaning supplies that he’s trying to get through. That’s why he cleans his car all the time.
I’ve shared this before somewhere else, but I feel like it fits.
I used to work in a library that was in a v deprived area. Local kids would hang out there cos there wasn’t really anywhere else for them to go. They had to have a library card to do that, and we kept a list of their parents/guardians to call if things got rowdy, which they often did.
One time these 2 kids were causing trouble after closing time, wouldn’t leave, were throwing furniture around and yelling in our faces. I told them we were going to call their parents, one of them turned around and said triumphantly “HA! I don’t even HAVE any parents!”
She did have grandparents though, who were pretty pissed when they heard what she’d been up to.
” I ordered over 200,000 dollars in chicken, do you know how much chicken that is “
Me : “wow”
For context i was a manager at a strip club and these high rollers owned a very succesful chain of meat markets.
When I worked and lived in South Korea, I came across a guy from the US who proudly claimed that he had been living there for over five years and “I’ve never tried Korean food, not even once.”
Sir, why did you even choose to come to Korea?
Meanwhile, I ate Korean food regularly and discovered brand new favourites – some of which I still seek out at Korean restaurants here in Canada.
On TikTok, there are dudes bragging about working 100hrs a week only to make like 10k a month, which, when you do the math, is a wage of only around $18/hr.
I always thought “we work hard, we play hard” was a weird flex bc literally everyone I’ve known who said this worked ungodly hours to the point they had no outside life, and the ‘play hard’ part just meant that when they did get off work, they would drink themselves into oblivion with their coworkers, who were pretty much the only people they had any contact with.
I had a coworker once who bragged that he has cheated on every girl he ever had. Dude was definitely a d****e.
I’m always weirded out by old folk at work who will proudly tell you that they don’t know how to use computers properly. That they’ve never learned to use Excel or whatever. Well done, you’re s**t at your job. I’m no spring chicken but I’ve tried very hard over the years to keep a bit up to date.
I once heard a guy brag about how he can recite the entire alphabet backwards while doing a handstand. I mean, that’s impressive, but also very specific for a party trick.
A former flatmate of mine claimed he was very eco-conscious and thrifty, and for that reason, he very rarely used the washing machine and only needed one paper toilet roll a month.
For context, he was trying to justify a 5€ discount on the flatmates’ shared expenses – after 8 months of never spending a dime on them nor doing anything for the flat.
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