“Raygun’s Unlikely Apology Ignites a Battle Between Breakdancers and the Outrage Brigade!”
In today’s unpredictable world, where even a simple “I’m sorry” can spark an avalanche of reactions, Olympian Rachael Gunn—better known as Raygun—has inadvertently become the poster child for a scandal in the apology department. Her recent attempt to mend fences with the breakdance community, via what many are deeming an excruciatingly awkward video, has left folks scratching their heads and asking: Can someone really screw up an apology? According to the “apology community,” a group I can only assume hangs out in oversized sweatshirts arguing over the nuances of remorse, Gunn’s flailing attempt to express contrition was not only cringe-worthy but an outright insult to the art of saying sorry! Celebrated apologizer Lily Mickleburg stated—rather dramatically, I might add—that it looked like Gunn had never “said sorry before in her life.” It’s one thing to have no background in breakdancing, but is there a degree for mastering the perfect apology? Maybe we should look into that!
As discussions of this so-called apology spiral into the absurd, it seems the only ones taking a bigger hit than Raygun are the poor souls who just want someone to earnestly say, “I messed up.” I mean, in a world where someone could be criticized for every little thing—even how they express remorse—it’s a wonder any of us even dare to apologize anymore! And speaking of apologizing, reports suggest Gunn is now considering her well-being amidst all this backlash, opting not to take drastic measures to avoid further criticism. Because, let’s be honest, who needs that kind of drama? So grab your popcorn, folks, the apology saga is heating up!
SYDNEY—In an outpouring of criticism in which the expression of remorse was disparaged as an affront to the art form, Olympian Rachael Gunn’s apology to the breakdance community sparked outrage Thursday from the apology community. “Quite frankly, it looked like she had never said sorry before in her life,” celebrated apologizer Lily Mickleburg told reporters, saying the “embarrassing” viral video in which Gunn, widely known as Raygun, attempted to make amends with other competitive breakdancers had undermined the reputation of apologizing in the eyes of the public. “Just because she’s a university lecturer with a Ph.D., she thinks she can express contrition? Did you see her? She was flailing all over the place with that statement of regret for her actions. This is what happens when you let people who have no background in saying they’re sorry try to apologize.” At press time, reports confirmed Gunn had decided not to kill herself in hopes of avoiding pushback from the suicide community.
