“Taylor Swift’s Shocking Discovery: The Annual Football Phenomenon That Changed Everything”
In a bizarre revelation that could only come from the intersection of celebrity culture and athletic fanaticism, Taylor Swift has recently come to terms with a fundamental truth of sports: football isn’t just a seasonal fling; it’s a yearly commitment—like a long-term relationship that just won’t quit. As she examined her boyfriend Travis Kelce’s 2024 football schedule, it dawned on her that this gridiron affair would keep asking for her time and attention far beyond the Super Bowl party last year. Did she really think she could retire her Chiefs gear for good? With an astonished gasp, Swift grappled with the reality of 17 regular-season games (not to mention playoffs!) and perhaps a frantic reorganization of her Eras tour stops. Who knew love could come with such an extensive seasonal itinerary? At this rate, she might need more than a schedule change; she might end up Googling the average lifespan of an NFL player’s career, just to prepare for all the “I’ll see you again” promises from fellow football wives. Buckle up, folks—it’s going to be a long ride on this love train!
KANSAS CITY, MO—Growing increasingly alarmed as she stared at her boyfriend Travis Kelce’s upcoming 2024 schedule, a horrified Taylor Swift reportedly realized for the first time Friday that football happens every year. “So football…that’s not just a thing Travis did last fall for a couple of months—that’s something that’s going to happen again and again?” said a wincing, shuddering Swift, who added that she had assumed she would never again need to dress up in Chiefs merchandise, buy out stadium boxes, or hang out in Kansas City after Kelce and his team won the Super Bowl last year. “Oh wow. I thought Brittany Mahomes was joking when she said she’d see me again soon. How many games are there this year? 17? And that’s not counting the playoffs. Hoo boy. Guess I better start scheduling more stops on the Eras tour.” At press time, Swift was seen googling how long it took for CTE to kick in and end a football player’s career forever.
The post Horrified Taylor Swift Realizes Football Happens Every Year appeared first on The Onion.
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