“Surprising Twist: Jimmy Carter Discovers He’s the Last Living American—What’s Next for the 39th President?”
In a bizarre twist that seems straight out of a dystopian novel, former President Jimmy Carter woke up in an unusually silent world, only to discover he might just be the last person standing in America. Can you imagine the sheer terror? One moment you’re reminiscing about peanut farming and global peace, and the next, you’re wandering through an eerily deserted hospice center, calling out for any living soul—complete with echoes that could make a ghost shiver. “Hello? Is anybody there?” he shouted, desperately hoping for a reply that never came.
The 99-year-old ex-President tripped through empty hallways, frantically pounding on doors, and gazing longingly into windows—like a forlorn kid outside the schoolyard, but with much graver stakes. He even tried to reach out to friends Bill and Hillary—cell service be damned, surely they’d know what’s happened amid this inexplicable apocalypse! Just when you think it couldn’t get any stranger, an arrow zips through the air, hitting him square in the back! Is this a nightmare, a dark comedy, or a reflection of our over-the-top, reality TV world? Either way, if you thought 2023 couldn’t get weirder, hold onto your hats!
Join me as we explore this surreal scene and uncover what it means for Jimmy, for America, and, heck, maybe even for us all in this wild, exceptional universe we inhabit.
PLAINS, GA—Opening his eyes to find an empty room eerily devoid of any sounds, former President Jimmy Carter reportedly awoke Friday to learn that he had seemingly outlived every single person in America. “Hello? Is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?” said the 99-year-old in a shouted plea, stumbling through the halls of an abandoned hospice center to reach the front doors, a formerly bustling town now entirely still as the 39th leader of the free world frantically peered into windows and banged on doors street after street, mile after mile, only to find the nation had become a ghost town. “No, no—this can’t be. My family? Where is my family? I must find a phone to call Bill and Hillary—surely they’ll know what’s going on. God damnit, pick up already! Oh no—the lines have gone dead. This cannot be happening. I am…the only man left on earth.” At press time, a slight whizzing sound reportedly broke through the silence as an arrow flew through the air from an unseen source, hitting Carter square in the back.
The post Jimmy Carter Awakens To Learn He Outlived Every Single Person In America appeared first on The Onion.
CHECK OUT ALL THE HOTTEST DEALS ON AMAZON!
4PCS Wireless LED Strobe Lights with Remote Control, 8 Colors USB Charing Waterproof Anti-Collision Led Emergency Warning Lights for Car Motorcycle Drone Aircraft Bike
$18.99 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Ailun 3 Pack Screen Protector for iPhone 16 Pro Max [6.9 inch] + 3 Pack Camera Lens Protector with Installation Frame,Sensor Protection,Dynamic Island Compatible,Case Friendly Tempered Glass Film
$7.98 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Amazon Fire 7 tablet (newest model) 7” display, read and watch, under $80 with 10-hour battery life, 32 GB, Black
$79.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
CRZ YOGA Womens Butterlift High Waisted Workout Leggings 25" - Pilates Gym Athletic Yoga Pants Buttery Soft
$32.00 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Inside out shirt, Inside out 2 shirt, inside out costumes for adults, inside out 2 costumes, inside out costume for kids, inside out tshirt, Inside out halloween shirt, Halloween matching shirt
$13.90 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
SZIVYSHI Corset Tops for Women, Bustier Shapewear Lingerie, Lace Waist Push Up Bodysuit
$23.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
CRZ YOGA Butterluxe High Waisted Lounge Legging 25" - Workout Leggings for Women Buttery Soft Yoga Pants
$28.80 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
100 Ultra Bright Glow Sticks Bracelets and Necklaces - Premium Glow in the Dark Party Supplies and Decorations - Bulk 8" Glowsticks Party Favors Pack
$8.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Hanes Men's Hoodie, EcoSmart Fleece Hoodie, Hooded Sweatshirt for Men
$14.66 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
