“Revolutionary Antigravity Shoes: The Secret to Keeping Your Dog’s Paws Safe from Ground Hazards!”
C’mon, have you ever wished your dog could hover like a futuristic little superhero rather than plodding through the hazards of the great outdoors? Well, your day has finally come—sort of! In a zany twist on canine accessories, Wild One has just rolled out its antigravity hover shoes that claim to keep your pup’s precious paws a whopping six inches above ground level. No more burnt toes on hot pavement or avoiding broken glass like it’s a minefield. CEO Bill Wells is all too enthusiastic about these stylish little booties, promising a safe and cushy trot for our four-legged companions through the perils of everyday walks. And hey, who wouldn’t want to adjust their dog’s height with a levitation dial? Just wipe down the electromagnetic grid after use—easy-peasy, right? But wait—hold your horses (or dogs, in this case)! Seems like a little mix-up in Miami resulted in one adventurous bichon frise taking an unexpected detour into orbit! Buckle up, folks; we’re in for a wild ride in the world of dog fashion and safety!
NEW YORK—Catering to consumers whose dogs have an aversion to outdoor surfaces, pet accessory brand Wild One unveiled new antigravity hover shoes Friday designed to protect canine paws from hazards by allowing the wearer to float up to six inches off the ground. “We’re thrilled to introduce these stylish and practical booties to help your pup avoid sizzling pavement, broken glass, frostbite, and any other dangers you may encounter on a walk,” said CEO Bill Wells, telling reporters that the shoes were made using anti-skid gyroscopes to prevent dogs from slipping and sliding as they trot along a few inches above the sidewalk. “Select from a range of sizes and colors, adjust the levitation dial to your desired height, and never worry again about those precious paws touching the earth. By the way, cleanup is easy: Just make sure to wipe down the electromagnetic grid with a wet cloth after each use.” At press time, Wild One announced it was pausing its rollout of the antigravity hover shoes after a customer in Miami miscalibrated a bootie and launched her bichon frise into orbit.
The post New Antigravity Hover Shoes Protect Dogs’ Paws From Anything Within 6 Inches Of Ground appeared first on The Onion.
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