“Revolutionary Silver Bell Promises to Transform Household Chores—Is It the Ultimate Butler’s Secret?”
Ever found yourself staring at a sink full of dishes after a dinner party, wondering if there’s an easy magical solution out there? Well, put down that scrub brush! Dawn has transformed the post-meal cleanup game with its latest innovation: a small silver bell designed to summon your very own butler! Yes, you heard it right! Who needs suds and elbow grease when you can jingle your way to a sparkling clean kitchen? According to the brand, this posh little pewter bell not only means zero scrubbing, but it also comes with a delicate chime capable of slicing through all the din of everyday life—ensuring your household servant hears your call, whether they’re in the salon or the study. Imagine the bliss of effortlessly summoning a classically-trained butler to handle the dirty work while you prep for your next soirée. This is not just cleaning; this is a lifestyle upgrade! So, get ready to ring in a new era of dishwashing luxury… because who wouldn’t want to treat their hands like royalty?
CINCINNATI—Saying the new product offered its customers a way to clean up after-dinner messes with 100% less scrubbing, the dishwashing brand Dawn announced Thursday it would begin selling a small silver bell for summoning a butler to deal with the dishes. “Finally, a powerful dish bell that’s tough on grease but gentle on your ears,” a press release from Dawn read in part, describing how the hand-cast pewter bell lets out a delicate jingle specially formulated to cut through background noise and reach the ear of a household servant, whether they’re in the salon, the atrium, the drawing room, the study, or their quarters at the back of the property. “No matter how bad the mess, simply ring this bell to call for a classically trained butler to emerge from the scullery and begin showing off the talents he mastered at a stately mansion in the Welsh countryside. Protect your soft, supple hands from the curse of labor and never again strain your voice while shouting for your manservant. Give the Dawn bell a dainty shake and consider the dishes done.” At press time, Dawn announced a limited release of brass bells for summoning a different butler to polish the silver bell.
The post Dawn Unveils New Small Silver Bell For Summoning Butler To Deal With Dishes appeared first on The Onion.
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