“Unmasking the Manipulators: 12 Surprising Tactics Narcissists Use When They Know You’ve Discovered Their Game”
Ever found yourself wishing you had a protective shield against narcissists, much like we need a helmet while riding a bike? Sharing is indeed caring, but sometimes it feels a bit like handing a loaded gift to someone who can’t figure out how to aim it. Living with a narcissist can often feel like being caught in a never-ending magic show, where the performer is doing their best to keep you unaware of the illusion while they juggle your emotions like they’re playing hot potato with your sanity! But fear not! While you’re learning to spot those red flags waving at you like a crazy parade, it’s crucial to familiarize yourself with the sneaky tactics narcissists will employ when they sense you’ve uncovered their act. You might just be surprised by how familiar these tricks could feel, so let’s unpack the art of manipulation and learn how to dodge the emotional grenades they throw your way. Ready to jump in? LEARN MORE
Sometimes it feels like the only thing worse than living with a narcissist is having surgery without anesthesia. It’s a high-stakes game, where the stakes are your sanity. Thankfully, many people today are informed enough to see through narcissistic behavior.
However, when narcissists sense you’ve started to see through their carefully crafted facade, they often resort to a series of tactics designed to regain control. It’s like watching a magician whose tricks are exposed—desperate to distract the audience from their sleight of hand.
You must protect yourself from manipulation. These are the common strategies narcissists employ when they feel like their strategies are being threatened.
1. They Become Very Charming
When narcissists feel like they’re under pressure, they often dial up the charm to almost theatrical levels. Suddenly, they’re full of compliments, treating you like royalty and showering you with affection. This offensive charm is more of a diversion tactic to confuse you about their true intentions.
The flattery can be quite intoxicating, making it easy to overlook the red flags you’ve noticed lately. Beware, it usually doesn’t last very long!
2. Shifting Blame
When cornered, instead of owning up to their behavior, they’ll often turn the conversation around and suggest you’re the problem. They might say something like, “If you hadn’t reacted that way, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
This blame-shifting can leave you second-guessing your reactions. Understand that their need to shift blame stems from a desire to keep control and dodge responsibility for their actions.
3. Becoming Overly Critical
When tensions rise, narcissists might bring out their inner critic with gusto. They’ll highlight your flaws and point out every minor mistake as if they’ve suddenly assumed the role of an authority in your life.
This excessive criticism often attempts to distract you from their own shortcomings. “You’re such a mess!” they might say, using criticism as a tool to assert their dominance.
4. Isolating You
“I’m the only one who really cares about you.” Sound familiar? When narcissists feel their control slipping, they may resort to isolation tactics. This can manifest as subtly discouraging your relationships with friends and family, suggesting that they don’t understand you the same way they do.
This creates a false sense of loyalty while undermining your support system. Isolation is a dangerous game that can lead to loneliness and confusion.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a classic trait of narcissistic behavior and can ramp up when they sense you’re catching on. They might say, “I never said that…you must be imagining things,” leaving you feeling puzzled and unsure.
The goal is to spin an alternate reality where you feel uncertain and confused. It’s a deliberate tactic to shake your confidence, so stay strong and trust yourself!
6. Playing the Victim
“You just don’t understand how hard my life has been,” is a common line from victim-playing narcissists. When they sense their grip on you is slipping, they will share sob stories about their past, positioning themselves as misunderstood individuals constantly facing adversity.
This victim mentality serves to evoke sympathy from others. They may also frame themselves as the hero in their narrative however it’s not them sharing and being vulnerable, it’s coercion.
7. Threatening Dire Consequences
When narcissists sense they’re losing control, they might use subtle or direct threats to maintain their influence. It could be as gentle as hinting that your relationships or opportunities might take a hit if you don’t align with their wishes.
For example, “If you keep doing this, I might have to leave.” They use intimidation as a tool to keep you toeing the line.
8. Sudden Indifference
Another noticeable behavior is sudden indifference towards you. They might suddenly shift from being very attentive to ignoring you. This will leave you scratching your head wondering where the charming person went and who this new wet towel you’re with is.
One moment, they’re full of affection, and the next, it seems like they’re a bit preoccupied. They’re basically punishing you by creating an emotional distance.
9. Minimizing Your Feelings
When faced with questions about their behavior, narcissists might use minimization as a defense mechanism. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting. It’s really not that big of a deal,” which can invalidate your feelings.
This can be really frustrating, leaving you feeling unheard and invisible. By recognizing this tactic, you can find support from those who truly care about your experiences.
10. Using Others as Pawns
When narcissists feel threatened, they may sneakily get your friends or family to become unwitting accomplices. They often spread rumors or half-truths, casting you in a negative light while presenting themselves as misunderstood.
They might say, “Please talk to her, I think she needs help. I just want what’s best for everyone,” twisting the narrative to elicit sympathy and support. By involving others, they create divisions in your relationships and strengthen their version of events.
11. Feigning Ignorance
“I didn’t even know that bothered you!” Yes, you did, Jason. Some narcissists may resort to feigning ignorance as a defense tactic. When you bring up their behavior, they’ll act as if they have no clue what you’re talking about.
They will likely put on a performance that attempts to paint you as the unreasonable one in the conversation.
12. Love Bombing
This is a classic scenario: prepare to be love-bombed to the point of nearly drowning. You will be showered with affection, gifts, and attention, all aimed at winning you back and diverting your focus from their past behavior.
They may profess, “You mean the world to me; I’ve never felt this way about anyone else!” Crafting an idealized version of their affection, they use this onslaught of attention to cloud your judgment. If this overwhelming display makes you forget that you realized they were a narcissist, you’re in trouble.
12 Powerful Ways to Deal with Gaslighting
What strategies can you use to offset gaslighting and protect your emotional stability? Here are a few steps to help you call out someone who’s gaslighting you.
12 Powerful Ways to Deal with Gaslighting
17 Personal Things to Never Share with Anyone
More than half the world is online, so sharing endless information with others seems like the default setting. You log in online, and in a minute, you know where your old high school buddy is holidaying, how much a friend’s wedding ring costs, and you have a virtual tour of your sister-in-law’s friend’s home from room to room.
While sharing some information, whether online or in person, can sometimes be beneficial, certain information should be kept private for your safety.
17 Personal Things to Never Share with Anyone
I’m a Language and Literary Studies (Honors) graduate with 11 years of experience in magazine and blog writing and content creation. I’m passionate about storytelling for change and believe in the power of words to make a difference. My writing is thought-provoking, accessible, and engaging, focusing on the Psychology of human behavior, complex social issues, personal experiences, and the latest trends. I’m a wife and a Mom of three.
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