“Unmasking America’s Hidden Crisis: The Startling Statistics Behind Our Loneliness Epidemic”
In an age where we’re more plugged in than ever, isn’t it ironic that chronic loneliness has become a leading health crisis? It’s like treating a broken heart with a bouquet of flowers—lovely, but not exactly the fix we need. Studies have thrown the spotlight on the dark corners of isolation, linking it to everything from cardiovascular issues to anxiety. So, what’s the deal? The Onion dives into the heart of the matter, presenting some eyebrow-raising statistics from what the surgeon general has dubbed a loneliness epidemic. Get ready for some head-spinning numbers that might just make you chuckle—because if we can’t laugh about it, what’s the point? Want to know the truth behind the stats? [LEARN MORE]().
Studies have linked chronic loneliness with a variety of harmful health conditions, from cardiovascular disease to anxiety. The Onion takes a look at the key statistics behind what the surgeon general has described as a loneliness epidemic.
83 Million: Dogs purchased to try and fix this
741,000: Number of Americans who listed their profession on the 2020 Census as “lonesome cowboy”
2: Lifetime opportunities to make new friends after college
0: Lips at the opposite end of that long spaghetti strand you’re slurping
65%: Men who report feeling lonely after murdering their spouse
1: Son of your mom’s hairdresser who is also interested in that video game stuff
21,000: Pigeons in the park who have been eating good lately
13: Days before your neighbor will notice the smell of your rotting corpse
92%: Decline in the use of two-person, hand-pumped rail cars
$1,800: Cost to purchase a pal off the dark web
0: Other people out there who can relate to exactly how you’re feeling
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