“From Bliss to Bloat: The Sweet Memory of 7 Oreos That Changed Everything”

In a world rife with cookie connoisseurs and snack enthusiasts, who among us hasn’t experienced the bittersweet pang of nostalgia while diving into a package of Oreos? Meet Steven Dewey—a 36-year-old father whose emotional journey through the delicious realm of crème-filled cookies has taken an unexpected turn. As he reminisces about the glory days of his first few bites, we can’t help but ponder: are those early morsels truly the best, or is it just the heartache of knowing each subsequent cookie brings a little less joy? Dewey’s wistful reflections, complete with chocolate crumbs adorning his hoodie, remind us of the innocent excitement that fades all too quickly, especially when faced with the reality of adulthood (and stomach cramps). Buckle up for a hilarious ride through snack-time sentimentality! <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/BloatedManNIBIHAGR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with reporters this week and recalled his halcyon days of seven Oreos ago. “Ah, to be at the beginning of the pack with a whole sleeve still ahead of you,” said Dewey, appearing wistful as he brushed chocolate cookie crumbs out of his beard, off his hoodie, and onto the sofa. “Sure, I still have plenty of good Oreos left, but you can’t expect your eighth or ninth to be as fun-filled and exciting as those first few. That was a different time, of course, back before my stomach started cramping up on me all the time. I didn’t know how good I had it!” At press time, Dewey’s 5-year-old son had reportedly asked for an Oreo and received a lecture on how important it was not to take his cookie for granted.