“Will Colorless Batteries Save Lives? Duracell’s Bold Move to Protect Kids Sparks Controversy!”

Imagine a world where munching on batteries isn’t just a shocking mistake but a sugary delight—well, that’s the whimsical reality that Duracell has decided to wrap up in frosting! In a bold move that has left parents both relieved and slightly confused, the company announced the end of its candy-coated batteries. Yes, you read that right! Gone are the days of sprinkles and whipped cream atop those power packets, thanks to some concerned feedback from guardians worried about little ones treating batteries like candy. Duracell’s spokesperson, Nick Miaritis, took a moment to clarify that while the batteries might be losing their irresistibly sweet appeal, they’ll still keep all your gadgets happily powered. So, will there be a battery-flavored cake in the future? At least we know the 9-volt Cheese-Blasted option is here to stay. Curious about this bizarre branding decision? Get your sweet tooth—and your logic—ready! <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/DuracellRemovesNIB_IHA-GR-copy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

CHICAGO—Acknowledging that candy-coated batteries were an iconic part of the brand’s legacy, Duracell announced Thursday that it would be removing frosting and sprinkles from its manufacturing process to discourage children from eating the company’s products. “When parents shared with us their concerns about our practice of selling batteries with delicious, sugary toppings, we listened,” said Duracell spokesperson Nick Miaritis, who added that the battery manufacturer would also be removing the whipped cream and maraschino cherries from atop its AA and AAA varieties effective immediately. “We understand that batteries will inevitably find their way into the hands of kids, some of whom are too young to understand that Duracell’s trademark chocolate, caramel, and nougat center—while very tasty—is not something they are supposed to put in their mouths. Don’t worry, though: Our batteries will continue to power your flashlights and TV remotes. They’ll just be doing it without that irresistibly sweet Duracell taste.” Reached for further comment, Duracell officials confirmed the company had no plans to discontinue its popular 9-volt Cheese-Blasted batteries.