“Unlock the Secrets to Thriving in Your Solo Journey: Transform Loneliness into Liberation!”
Ah, the glamorous single life! Who needs a partner when you can enjoy the sweet solitude of a Saturday night binge-watching your favorite shows while devouring a pizza meant for four? Contrary to popular belief, being unpartnered doesn’t mean you’re sitting alone in the dark with a pint of ice cream weeping over your ex’s Instagram. Nope! In fact, our friends over at The Onion have uncovered some downright delightful ways to revel in the perks of being solo. From wining and dining yourself in public (and hey, maybe pretending you’ve been stood up for those free breadsticks) to discovering the incognito joys of community—let’s just say, there’s a lot more to singlehood than meets the eye! So why not embrace it? After all, who says you can’t be the valiant “dog mom” or the “incoherent wino” of your dreams? Eager to dive deeper into this tongue-in-cheek treasure trove of advice? You know you want to! LEARN MORE
Despite stereotypes that unpartnered people are lonely or unhappy, being single doesn’t have to be a burden. The Onion shares tips for embracing single life.
Take yourself on a date! There’s no reason you can’t have fun being visibly, utterly alone in public.
Delight in the bacchanal of carnal pleasures that is the Omaha hookup scene.
Pretend you’ve been stood up at restaurants to get loads of free bread.
Realize that your ex was actually holding you back from things you really value, like not cleaning, not cooking, and not bathing.
Develop a non-romantic identity like “dog mom” or “incoherent wino.”
