“Unlikely Bond: How Two Etymology Enthusiasts Became the Lifeline for a Struggling Party”

At parties, there’s always that one collision of personalities that’s both cringeworthy and entertaining. Picture this: two etymology enthusiasts engrossed in a debate so captivating—yet utterly mind-numbing—that the rest of the guests can’t help but silently cheer for their light-hearted escape from just how boring it was about to get. As Ian and Rob dive deep into the origins of words like “quarantine,” the crowd breathes a collective sigh of relief, thankful that, finally, they’re off the hook from having to pretend to care about “proto-European” linguistics! Who knew that etymology could be the ultimate party distraction? Yet, as guests try to steer the conversation towards the latest binge-worthy shows, our word nerds seem oblivious. Don’t you just love when the social dynamics of a party turn into unintentional comedy? It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most mundane topics can lead to the greatest escapes! <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/RestOfPartyNIBIHA_GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE

RALEIGH, NC—Breathing a sigh of relief as the pair of new acquaintances talked each other’s ears off without any extra input, the rest of the people attending a party Thursday reportedly thanked fucking God that the two guys who liked etymology had found each other. “I’m so glad Ian [Hawes] overheard Rob [Agundez] telling me where the word ‘quarantine’ comes from, because if I had to hear the goddamn term ‘proto-European’ one more time I was going to die of boredom,” said party guest Vikki Engel, who described how the two linguistics enthusiasts had cordoned themselves off from everyone else and gotten progressively louder and more animated as they debated whether the word “posh” came from the first-class accommodations on early English cruise liners or not. “It doesn’t matter how many times you try and switch the topic to movies or local restaurants or whatever, because no matter what you talk about they are going to home in on some word you use. We’re all just over here joking around about Minnie’s shitty coworkers and counting our blessings that we don’t have to know the symbolism of chrysanthemum or whatever the fuck… Oh shit, it looks like Ian just stormed off and Rob is headed back this way.” At press time, reports confirmed a half hour had passed since Engel had told Agundez she needed to get home to feed her dog, and he was still talking about the larger working canine breeds that had given rise to the word “dog.”