“Midnight Madness: What Surprising Secrets Kept Congress Awake After 8:30?”

In a world where the most intense battles are fought over bedtime stories—not just on the playground but on Capitol Hill—today’s news from Washington is enough to make anyone chuckle. Picture this: Congress members, with their weary eyes and aching joints, stumbling out of their beds like the living dead after a late-night speech by none other than former President Donald Trump. Honestly, who knew that a 30-minute talk could leave the nation’s lawmakers so groggy they might as well have pulled an all-nighter in a college dorm? As we delve into this hilarious account of our sleepy legislators, let’s ponder—what’s the true price of democracy when it threatens to cut into our much-needed beauty sleep? Buckle up for a tale where the clock ticks later than usual, and the consequences might just leave you in stitches! LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Groaning with exhaustion and joint pain after their late bedtime last night, members of Congress were reportedly all groggy Wednesday after staying up past 8:30 p.m. for President Donald Trump’s address. “Oh God, I can’t believe I slept through daybreak,” said 85-year-old Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD), one of hundreds of dazed senators and representatives who reportedly stumbled out of bed, rubbed their eyes, and barely touched their Metamucil supplements, shaking their heads in disbelief that they had made it through the late night at the Capitol. “Definitely going to be hell to pay when I tell my doctor about this. I’m just going to down the pills I was supposed to take hours ago and hope all goes well. Thankfully, I can get a nap in once I get to the office, and then a few more hours of sleep in the afternoon. That should set me right.” At press time, reports confirmed the groggy members of Congress had quietly passed away.