“Unraveling the Dark Pact: Why the Pale Trump Boys Fear for Their Futures with Uncle Elon”
In a twist that only a world brimming with irony could conjure, the Trump brothers have found themselves in a bizarre reality that begs the question: What happens when aristocracy meets absurdity? In a startling tableau from Washington, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. are reportedly slouched in their chairs, faces pale and eyes drooping, as they question their Uncle Elon about the fine print of their new “family bonding” experience involving blood donations. Picture this: the boys, weary and weak, just wanting to drink Gatorade and catch up on their favorite shows—because really, who thought a family weekend could feel more like a scene from a dystopian sci-fi flick? As they grapple with IVs and a dubious sense of commitment, we’re left to wonder if this is what they meant by trading blood for tech support. If you think that’s a head-scratcher, wait until you read the rest of the hilariously surreal antics unfolding in the latest Onion piece! Click below to dive in. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/PaleTrumpBoysIHAGR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.
WASHINGTON—Slumping back in their chairs and whining at the sight of intravenous lines in their bruised arms, a pale Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly asked their Uncle Elon on Friday when they could stop giving him blood. “We’re tired, Uncle Elon—tired and hungry,” said Eric, the younger of the Trump boys, who began to pick at the medical tape adhering the needle to his skin, only to have a DOGE aide to slap at his hand. “You said we could drink Gatorade and watch Harley Quinn on the iPad, but now we’re too dizzy to pay attention. When is the blood harvesting going to be over? Uncle Elon, we don’t even have any more bloods [sic] left to give.” At press time, reports confirmed the Trump boys were left covered in blood after their Uncle Elon popped.
