“Why One Woman’s Bold Stand Against Tradition Could Change Marriage Forever”
Ever feel like you’re living in a rom-com where changing your last name is the final scene? If you’re a woman engaged in the U.S., the pressure can be overwhelming—79% of married women take their husband’s last name! But, hold on just a second! Is that really the only ending allowed, or are there thrilling plot twists waiting to be uncovered? Haley Metzger thinks there might be more to the story, urging women to consider the pros and cons of this age-old tradition before diving headfirst into the paperwork abyss. In this article, we’ll break down why some women are saying “no thanks” to their husbands’ last names and what it means for their identity and autonomy. Are you ready to challenge the status quo and write your own name-changing adventure? Don’t forget, there’s lots to explore—LEARN MORE.
There are some things that are so ingrained in our cultures that we never question them. If you’re a woman engaged to a man in the United States, for example, you’re probably going to be expected to change your last name after tying the knot. But is this really necessary?
The Pew Research Center reports that a whopping 79% of married women in the US took their husband’s last name. But Haley Metzger is encouraging women to fully consider all of the pros and cons before taking the leap and abandoning their maiden name. Below, you’ll find a video that she recently shared discussing this topic, as well as a conversation with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding.
It’s often expected for married women to take their husband’s last name
Image credits: haley.metzger
But Haley Metzger wants women to think long and hard before abandoning their maiden name
Image credits: haley.metzger, pewresearch
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: theguardian
Image credits: haley.metzger
“Women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives”
To find out more about this topic, we got in touch with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and point out that many women don’t feel pressured to take their husband’s name per se, but they do it because that’s what they’ve always seen other women do.
“They don’t question it because society (and family) tell them this is what is normal,” she explained. “They see their mother doing it, their grandmothers – it is just ‘normal.’”
“However, women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives, and this feels wrong in 2025,” Kate continued. “We dropped the obey vow some time ago, yet seem to be much slower to question the name change.”
The wedding expert says another common reason women change their surnames is when they have children together before getting married.
“Wanting everyone to have the same surname creates a sense of unity, but it is also easier when traveling,” Kate pointed out. “I once had customs interviewing my children, as their passports had different surnames to mine. This was before we were married, so when we did tie the knot, it felt easier to change my name to be the same as theirs.”
“If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name”
Many marriages nowadays also occur later in life, meaning the bride might currently be using an ex-husband’s surname, Kate added. “They will be keen to change it!”
“Of course, you can merge both names to create a double-barreled surname. But for this to work, the husband needs to change his,” the wedding expert shared. “And funnily enough, he is not always open to that. Many also feel a double-barreled name sounds a bit ‘posh’, which feels wrong to them.”
So what are some of the pros of keeping your maiden name after getting married?
“Keep a sense of identity – women can feel a bit lost after getting married,” Kate says. “Continue your family name – great if you have a strong family bond. Less paperwork. (I have been married 12 years and still have some bills in my maiden name, as I can’t be bothered to jump through hoops!) Easier for work and business, as people know who you are.”
On the flip side, however, some people see more benefits in taking their partner’s name.
“Some don’t have a strong family bond, so they are happy to move on with a new name,” Kate noted. “If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name. You’ll have to sometimes prove you are married and therefore carry your marriage certificate (definitely when traveling with children who don’t have the same name as you).”
“Everyone must be happy with the decision, as you cannot start a marriage with resentment”
“Legal applications become awkward – for example, power of attorney forms, mortgage applications become harder if you don’t have the same name,” Kate continued. “Society expects you to have the same name.”
