In a Stunning Move, 30,000 Muses Suddenly Out of Work—Is Creativity Facing an Existential Crisis?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the Greek Muses got pink slips from a federal agency? No, really—imagine Euterpe standing by the water cooler, clutching a cardboard box with her lyre sticking out, trading despondent looks with a desaturated, poetry-free barista. This scene, as absurd as it sounds, might actually be unfolding in D.C. right now — at least if you believe the latest surreal headlines from the National Endowment for the Arts. According to the Trump administration’s new philosophy, too much “inspiration” is wasteful, and apparently, America’s poets, novelists, and painters will now be rationing their creative sparks. If you thought the arts were safe from the chopping block, think again—because being a muse these days might just qualify as a nonessential government job . Want to see just how wild it gets? LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—In a move the Trump administration claims will reduce government waste and remove redundancies from federally funded programs, the National Endowment for the Arts announced a sweeping round of layoffs Wednesday that terminated the employment of roughly 30,000 muses. “An independent audit of the NEA revealed a significant glut of unnecessary sources of inspiration, all of which are reliant on taxpayer funding,” read a statement from the White House addressing the cuts, which are said to include an additional 35% reduction in the ingenues, figure drawing models, and strikingly beautiful baristas currently providing full-time inspiration to the agency. “This unchecked creativity has gone on for far too long, and our independent audit of the agency found that the NEA can easily make do with a mere dozen muses. Under this new budget, American taxpayers will no longer be forced to foot the bill for the inflated levels of inspiration formerly enjoyed by lazy poets, novelists, and painters.” The statement went on to advocate for additional budget cuts that would eliminate the agency’s 10,000 superfluous copies of The Artist’s Way.