Why Are Millennials Being Shut Out of the Dream of Underwater Living?

Ever lie awake at night, staring at your crumbling popcorn ceiling and wondering, “Will I, too, never lounge in a sleek, glass-domed undersea flat with manta rays for neighbors and a school of sassy clownfish as my HOA?” No? Just me? Well, buckle up, because apparently, I’m not alone—unless you count the thousands of other millennials whose homeownership dreams don’t even scrape the ocean floor. According to this side-splitting (if slightly devastating) report, the grand fantasy of shelling out for a posh underwater pad is fading fast, with sky-high prices, greedy Wall Street sharks, and the harsh economics of conch-shell-renting snuffing out hope faster than you can say, “should’ve invested in seaweed futures.” Sigh. Gen X grumbled about avocado toast; we’re weeping into our kelp salads. You almost have to laugh—would you rather sink or swim in this market? If you’re ready for a deep dive (ha) into the aquatic absurdity and want to see how millennials are being priced out of their literal Atlantis, <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/MostMillennialsWill_Never-NIB-IHA-GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

CHICAGO—A study published Friday by the National Association of Realtors concluded that most millennials will never own a swanky undersea apartment where fish swim past the windows. “For the majority of working adults age 29 to 44, the dream of owning a glass-domed apartment on the bottom of the ocean overlooking a vibrant coral reef is simply out of reach,” said the study’s author, Nicolette Wendel, adding that while some millennials do own underwater homes, they are generally in lakes where everything is murky brown and the fish are all boring. “Prior to 1980, the price of a luxury ocean-floor condo with views of tropical fish, manta rays, and sharks was three times the median income, but today it’s six times the median income. If current economic trends continue, the average millennial will be stuck waving to a sea turtle from a conch shell bed only as a renter. Though supplies have increased somewhat as baby boomers downsize, most retro-futuristic sea compounds are being gobbled up by Wall Street.” The study also noted that steel tariffs will significantly increase the costs of renovating old shipwrecks into beautiful seafloor homes.