First Graders’ Unexpected Career Dreams Revealed After Sudden Child Labor Law Repeal

Remember the days when kids dreamed of becoming astronauts or ballerinas? Well, imagine swapping that for aspirations like “meatpacking plant technician” or “semiconductor chip assembler”—all before lunch. Wild, right? This satirical piece from The Onion takes us inside a first-grade classroom where teacher Brianna Montgomery, crayon in hand, invites her students to sketch their future careers for a post–child labor law world. I couldn’t help but picture a sea of smiling faces, eager to calculate how many blueberry-picking shifts it’ll take to buy a single LEGO set. Are we raising a generation of child prodigies—or just very determined future warehouse workers? If the journey from naptime to night shift seems a tad quick, you’ll want to savor every absurd detail for yourself. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/TeacherAsksWhat_First-NIB-PH-R.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students Thursday what they want to be once child labor laws are repealed. “I want everyone to grab some crayons and draw a picture of what you want to be once the governor rolls back all the child labor laws,” Montgomery said as shouts of “fish processor!” and “farm laborer!” filled the classroom. “Joshua, you love video games, so maybe you could work at a plant assembling semiconductor chips. And Michelle, I know you like nature, so I bet you’d have fun being outside all day picking blueberries. Now, you may think that just because most kids end up working for the local meatpacking plant, you’ll end up there as well, but it’s not true. You can go to the big city and work in a poorly ventilated warehouse.” Later in the school day, students reportedly practiced their math skills by adding up how many hours of subminimum wage work it would take them to earn $100.