Trump Makes Shocking Claims of Being Targeted by Mysterious “White Genocide”—What’s Behind His Allegations?

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to suffer for your identity… from the comfort of a 126-room resort? I have to admit, I nearly choked on my coffee when I stumbled across this latest dispatch from Washington, where President Donald Trump, channeling the spirit of history’s gravest injustices, bravely recounted surviving the perils of “white genocide”—armed only with a tailored suit and luxury real estate . It’s classic Onion: just when you think satire can’t outdo reality, they crank the surrealism dial to eleven . The image says it all—presidential defiance with a glint of melodrama, as if we’re one step away from “Schindler’s Penthouse .” Honestly, it’s the kind of blisteringly absurd parody that makes you laugh, then blink, then wonder if you’re accidentally reading the upside-down again . Satire’s greatest strength has always been showing us the funhouse mirror version of power, and this piece is a razor-sharp, no-holds-barred example that manages to squeeze pathos, farce, and just a touch of SEO-tinged schadenfreude into a single, unhinged rollercoaster . Want a peek into the latest chapter of “What If History Was Rewritten By Billionaires”? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/TrumpSharesNIBGPH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Saying the plight of white South African farmers affected him on a deeply personal level, President Donald Trump issued a statement Thursday in which he shared his own experiences as a victim of white genocide. “I’ve kept quiet about my past out of a fear that I could still be persecuted, but I too know what it’s like to live under a Black president who wants to see your entire race destroyed,” said Trump, adding that he had narrowly survived the attempt to eradicate white people and their culture by hiding for months in his 126-room Palm Beach resort. “I’ve seen firsthand the terrible power of anti-white hatred, having been forced to flee my Trump Tower penthouse in the middle of the night with nothing but the suit on my back. They mainly came for whites, but heterosexuals and Christians were also killed and thrown atop a scrap heap. As painful as it still is to talk about, I cannot stay silent while innocent whites in another country face the same horrifying persecution I did. I believe it is my duty as a survivor to provide testimony so that Blacks, Asians, and Native Americans, who have never experienced such hardship for themselves, can learn about the ethnic cleansing of whites, something that should never be allowed to happen again.” President Trump also announced that construction would begin on a White Genocide Museum in Washington, D.C. once several museums commemorating the history of less important races had been razed to provide the space.