Secret “Deportation List” Sent to White House Sparks Shocking Voter Confession

Imagine meticulously jotting down a personal “Deport!” list, loading it with your arch nemesis from the PTA, that barista who misspells your name every single morning, and maybe even your neighbor’s yappy Labradoodle—only to wake up and realize the government is actually deporting, gasp, real people you might know . I mean, did Homeland Security not get the memo about keeping it petty? That’s the backhanded reality check facing Jillian Beamer, a San Diego local and triple-crowned Trump voter, now flabbergasted as ICE raids start to hit a little too close to her cul-de-sac . If you’ve ever wondered how good intentions, self-interest, and utter confusion could collide in American politics, pull up a chair and put your coffee down … this one’s a doozy . <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/MAGAVoterNIBGPH.jpg”>LEARN MORE

SAN DIEGO—Shocked by the Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids affecting her very own community, local 43-year-old Jillian Beamer told reporters Monday she had assumed President Donald Trump would only deport people on the list she mailed to the White House. “With all of these deportations going on, I can’t help but feel like he’s breaking his campaign promise,” said Beamer, a three-time Trump voter who expressed utter disbelief that the administration would act beyond the half dozen names of personal enemies she had jotted down on a piece of stationery under the heading “Deport!” “These are our friends and neighbors they’re rounding up, not my rival at the PTA or the deli guy who always gets my order wrong. It seems like Homeland Security is deviating from other people’s lists too. I don’t get it at all.” Beamer added that neither she nor the other MAGA supporters she knew had ever imagined that Trump might go after immigrants.