Cold Plunges Exposed: Are You Falling for the Ultimate Wellness Illusion?
Have you ever gazed at a tub filled with ice water and wondered, “Is this new definition of torture actually good for me… or am I just following Zac Efron’s wellness routine because I’m so very, very lost?” Trust me—if the FOMO doesn’t get you, the frostbite just might. Cold plunges are bubbling up everywhere—gyms, backyards, Instagram feeds—but is dunking yourself in frigid water the secret to health, or just the latest silly trend people pretend to love right before their toes go numb? If you’re thinking about taking the plunge (see what I did there?), The Onion is back to separate the facts from the absurd fiction—like whether cold water fixes sore muscles or just makes you feel like a human popsicle. Ready to laugh, learn, and maybe regret that dip? LEARN MORE.
Cold plunges, also known as ice baths, are an increasingly popular wellness trend. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding cold plunges.
MYTH: Cold plunges are only for celebrities and athletes.
FACT: They’re also for people easily influenced by them.
MYTH: People with heart conditions should avoid cold plunges.
FACT: People who hate cold water should avoid cold plunges.
MYTH: Cold plunges can help your muscles recover.
FACT: The only thing that can make your body feel better is becoming 23 years old again.
MYTH: It’s dangerous to plunge in the ocean during winter.
FACT: ’Twould be far more perilous not to swiftly heed Poseidon’s call.
MYTH: Cold plunges detoxify your system.
FACT: That Texas Double Whopper is part of you forever.
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