What Shocking Secrets Do FEMA’s Numbers Reveal About Disaster Response?
What do you get when you mix government, disaster, and a jacket that’s almost too cool to resist? Apparently, you get FEMA—or, as I like to call it, the nation’s most exclusive club for people who can only work between 10:00 a . m . and 3:00 p . m . (Look, we all appreciate a work-life balance, but do hurricanes respect lunch breaks?) With federal layoffs knocking hundreds of staffers out of the ring and looming budget cuts lurking in the shadows, I can’t help wondering—is “Please tip your rescuer $20 for roof evacuations” the hot new Venmo request? Take a breath . Maybe two . Do you ever giggle at the idea that, by 2035, Hurricane Katrina’s response will only be the 231st worst FEMA moment? I did, but only after a moment of existential dread—and a laugh about the DOGE-appointed Response team head’s 2.67 GPA (which made me feel marginally better about my own college days) . Spoiler alert: It takes 12 excruciating pages just to apply . Ready to dive into the bafflingly hilarious numbers (and sartorial motivations) that drive our Federal Emergency Management Agency? Oh, you better be . LEARN MORE
After losing hundreds of staff members to federal layoffs, FEMA faces a number of potential budget cuts that would further affect the government’s ability to respond to crises in the future. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the Federal Emergency Management Agency.
10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.:
Daily operating hours
231st:
Where Hurricane Katrina response will rank on list of worst FEMA disaster relief efforts by 2035
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