“Alien: Earth” Reveals Shocking Twists—What Secrets Lurk in the New Chapter?
Let’s just get the obvious out of the way—is there any universe where your day is going so well you can resist clicking on a new Alien series with the words “Earth” and probably “viscous substances” in the title? Me neither . Every good franchise eventually comes crashing down to Earth, and this time, we’re getting all the interstellar slime, questionable budget decisions, and mouth-invading monsters we crave… Right in the comfort of wherever you foolishly forgot your headphones . I’ll admit, I didn’t expect to kick off my week overhearing spoiler-heavy dialogue from the guy three seats over on the bus, but here we are. The real question: Are any of us emotionally prepared for another Alien protagonist’s career—if not their body—getting torn in half? If you can handle that, plus untold gallons of goo and a hair budget that rivals NASA, you might just have what it takes to survive this streaming experience . Ready to find out if your kids will be traumatized for life or merely a little weirded out? LEARN MORE.
Alien: Earth, the latest entry in the Alien franchise, is now streaming. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the sci-fi series.
Q: Where is it streaming?
A: Looks like the guy sitting next to you on the bus has it playing pretty loudly.
Q: Is it appropriate for children?
A: No, but neither is Euphoria and you let them watch that.
Q: Who is the protagonist?
A: Probably not the guy who just got torn in half.
Q: How much goo is there?
A: The show was rated a 7.6 on the Holtz Goo Scale.
Post Comment