Is This Social Media Star Hiding a Darker Truth Behind Their Sudden Sobriety Boasts?

Ever notice how some people hit the one-month milestone and suddenly start doling out life advice like they’ve ascended Mount Enlightenment with a six-pack of self-control? One minute they’re double-fisting tequila at your backyard barbecue, next thing you know, they’re waxing poetic about “clarity” on social media—never mind the stain still drying on your patio. (Seriously, you can still smell it.) Is there a universal checklist that makes former party animals think they’re spiritual guides after four weeks off the sauce, or does everyone just get a complimentary high horse upon hitting 30 days sober? Either way, grab your popcorn, folks . You’re about to witness the transformation of Jim Boisvert—Toledo’s latest and, let’s be honest, loudest born-again teetotaler . Want a front-row seat to this sanctimoniously swift glow up? LEARN MORE.

TOLEDO, OH—In response to the holier-than-thou message on their social media feeds, sources reported Friday that a post by local man Jim Boisvert was pretty sanctimonious for someone who had only been sober for a month. “He’s really laying it on thick about not needing alcohol to have fun considering he was absolutely pounding beers as recently as the Fourth of July,” said neighbor Lisa O’Toole, confirming that Boisvert’s comments about how much his skin and physique had improved were obnoxiously premature under the circumstances. “He’s smugly prattling on about how he’s reached a whole new level of intimacy without alcohol getting in the way, and meanwhile, there’s still a stain on my patio from where he threw up after shots of Cuervo at my last cookout. I’m just saying, maybe give it another few weeks before you get up on your high horse.” O’Toole added that she still frequently sees Boisvert smoking a joint on his porch and he had offered her an Ambien only two days ago.