Unmasking the Enemy: Raid’s New Bug Doxxing Kit Exposes Insects’ Dirty Secrets

Have you ever looked at an ant colony skittering across your kitchen floor and thought, “Man, if only I had their home address…”? Well, brace yourself—Raid just turbocharged pest control by weaponizing one of the Internet’s favorite hobbies: doxxing . That’s right, in what can only be described as a fever dream cooked up by a chemical engineer with access to 4chan, Raid is rolling out its first-ever bug doxxing kit . Suddenly, fumigation seems downright quaint, doesn’t it? If you’ve ever wanted to rain social-media-fueled havoc on a termite mound (without even getting your hands dirty), today’s your lucky day… Though, I can’t help but picture millions of bugs anxiously refreshing their timelines, praying no one tags the queen . If this dystopian blend of cybersecurity and bug spray doesn’t make you laugh—and maybe cringe a little inside—then, honestly, what will? LEARN MORE

RACINE, WI—Saying the new product “attacks and intimidates pests right where they live,” popular insecticide brand Raid introduced its first-ever bug doxxing kit Tuesday. “Our complete doxxing system brings insect eradication into the 21st century by revealing the exact locations of termite mounds and ant colonies, a practice that encourages anonymous individuals on the internet to stalk and harass the bugs,” said Raid spokesperson Kyle Molasky, explaining that the kit is perfect for those who are disgusted by insects but reluctant to personally eliminate them, because it allows customers to simply upload the pests’ coordinates and then lets the official Raid 4chan forum do the rest. “Whether it’s a wasp nest hanging from an old oak tree in the backyard or silverfish lurking in your attic, you can publish the locations of tens of millions of bugs, and their lives will become a living hell, with many eventually just killing themselves. All you need to do is tag the queen to get started.” A press release stated that for extra stubborn bug problems, the new doxxing kits can be used alongside Raid swatting traps, which deploy highly trained law enforcement units to finish the infestation once and for all.