Deer’s Wild Reaction After Discovering Forbidden Buzz From “Innocent” Fallen Apple

Ever wondered what happens when Bambi takes a shot at self-improvement—and then accidentally gets tipsy anyway? Picture this: a wide-eyed deer, full of resolve, bravely charging through Sober October with nothing but fresh grass, good intentions, and a luscious new coat. Suddenly, it all falls to pieces with one rogue fermented apple. Oh, the tragic (and frankly hilarious) fate of a woodland ruminant dodging vice! As someone who’s been around the block more times than a Google crawler and survived enough SEO updates to put a gray hair in any algorithm’s beard, I can spot a good story—especially when it’s dripping in irony and deer drama. Curious just how far a buck will go once his sober streak slips on a boozy fruit? Trust me, this tale is juicier than an orchard after happy hour. LEARN MORE

SPENCER, TN—Frustrated at breaking a three-week streak of alcohol abstinence, a white-tailed deer expressed annoyance Monday upon realizing he could not complete his goal of a Sober October because the apple he had just eaten was fermented. “Oh goddammit, I knew it smelled too good to be nonalcoholic,” said the visibly irritated 3-year-old buck, who observed that since committing himself to 31 days of dry living, he had been waking up with a clearer head, and his pelage was glossier than it had been for years. “Someone should really clear these out. They’re just lying around where any fawn could get to them. Well, the whole day’s a wash, so I might as well have a few more and see where the night goes.” At press time, the increasingly erratic deer was seen rutting with a friend, nuzzling with a 1-year-old doe, and then passing out in a leaf-covered glade.