Is Arch Manning Hiding the Real Reason He’s Dodging Eli’s Advice?
Ever wondered just how many feeble, last-minute excuses it takes to dodge a Manning family mentoring session? Because apparently, University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning is finding out the hard way. I can just imagine him frantically Googling, “polite ways to say no to Uncle Eli without sabotaging Thanksgiving.” Honestly, who among us hasn’t tried to wriggle out of an overzealous relative’s life coaching—except most of ours aren’t two-time Super Bowl MVPs who channel Yoda and Chad Powers in the same breath? The layers of awkward family pride and secondhand embarrassment are so thick you could spread them on toast. So if you secretly dread a surprise visit from your own childhood hero/relative armed with decade-old playbooks, don’t worry—you’re in great company (and you might want to fake a hamstring injury, just in case) . Curious how Arch is managing this hilarious generational standoff? LEARN MORE
AUSTIN, TX—Noting that he’d already claimed to be sick, at a dentist appointment, and tied up with an unexpected 9 p.m. football practice, University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning confirmed Tuesday that he was quickly running out of polite, semi-plausible excuses to avoid mentorship from his uncle Eli. “He means well, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I really don’t need him FaceTiming me every day and saying stuff like, ‘A Super Bowl winner I sense in you, young padawan,’” said Manning, adding that while he respects his uncle’s experience as a player, he’s not exactly champing at the bit to have a 44-year-old teach him “how to chop it and spin it like Chad Powers.” “It’s just kind of embarrassing, you know? Last time he came to one of my games, he kept fist-bumping my teammates and saying he was there to help me unlock my ‘Manning DNA.’ I had to fake a hamstring injury because he kept trying to run me through footwork drills. I can’t keep doing this.” At press time, Manning was reportedly hiding out in the training room after Eli showed up unannounced with a stack of old Giants playbooks for “a little impromptu QB clinic.”
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