Why Is the Secret Service Desperate to Keep Trump Away From a Mysterious Qatari Jet Pack?
Have you ever wondered what could possibly set a White House ablaze faster than a scandal—or a jet pack with a dubious “gift from Qatar” tag? I mean, as someone who has dodged plenty of algorithmic implosions, trust me, nothing gets my pulse thumping quite like the idea of President Trump whisking through the air at 100 mph… without so much as a flight plan, helmet, or—oh, right—any experience piloting things other than tweets . It’s the stuff of digital marketer nightmares and late-night talk show dreams, all bundled into one. So why did the Secret Service beg Trump not to fire up that jet pack indoors? Grab your asbestos-adorned popcorn. The answer is destined to take your SEO-frazzled mind on a flight of pure, chaotic fancy—one you don’t wanna miss . LEARN MORE.
WASHINGTON—Despite protestations from the White House that the propulsion system was fully safe to operate, the Secret Service on Friday strenuously urged President Donald Trump not to use the jet pack gifted to him by Qatar. “While we certainly understand the appeal of this device, it would be challenging to provide effective security for the president were he to launch into the air at 100 miles per hour on a flight path he had no hope of controlling,” said Secret Service head Sean Curran, adding that Trump might not get off the ground to begin with if his legs were incinerated by the jet pack’s thrusters.” Even if he were to successfully launch and somehow stabilize himself midair, and even if the jet pack didn’t explode as the result of a cooling system malfunction, there’s no way he’d be able to fly 3,000 miles for his upcoming state visit to Ireland, as he currently intends to do. He’d run out of fuel just a few miles offshore, forcing us to retrieve him before he sunk to the bottom of the ocean under the weight of his backpack tanks. Fortunately, we’re confident he appreciates the risks and will act accordingly.” At press time, reports confirmed the White House was on fire after Trump ignored repeated pleas not to operate the jet pack indoors.
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