Muppet Makeover: Why This NSFW Artist Can’t Out-Sex the Original Puppets
Ever stared into those googly eyes and wondered if the Muppets are already living at peak sensuality? I mean, seriously—how do you make someone like Kermit “sexier” without veering right off the existential cliff? That’s the bizarre question haunting NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll, a guy who can turn practically anyone and anything into an object of unfiltered desire (Hank Hill, Totoro, the Babadook—no one’s safe). But here he is, feeling completely stymied by the Muppets’ raw, unadorned felt-based allure . It’s even got me questioning if Jim Henson’s crew were actually ahead of the erotic curve all along. Witness the hilarious, oddly relatable struggle as Driscoll confronts one of modern art’s weirdest challenges: you literally can’t improve perfection. Curious just how far down this muppet hole goes? LEARN MORE.
PORTLAND, OR—Admitting that he was completely at a loss over what he could possibly add, NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll told reporters Monday that he was struggling to improve upon the raw sexuality of the regular Muppets. “Normally this stuff just flows right out of me—like, I’ve never had any issue making Hank Hill or Totoro or the Babadook more fuckable—but damn, with the Muppets, I am just stumped,” said Driscoll, explaining that every attempt to eroticize the beloved Jim Henson characters merely distracted from the sensual power of their original felt forms, specifically citing Kermit’s “tight amphibian dumper,” the Swedish Chef’s “sultry accent and arm-flapping,” and Miss Piggy’s “pink little snout and hooves—my God, those hooves!—I just want her to stomp all over me.” “I’m truly spinning my wheels here. I thought about having Gonzo ejaculate out of his nose, or drawing Statler and Waldorf blowing each other in the balcony, but it all felt like overkill. They’re dime pieces as-is. Maybe I could put Fozzie in leather? Have Janice show some bush? Twink up Scooter and Skeeter a little more? No, no—that’d just be gilding the lily. And I can’t do anything with Rowlf because he’s a dog, and I draw a line at bestiality.” At press time, the frustrated artist had reportedly abandoned an attempt to render an orgy scene after realizing his initial sketch was a near-perfect facsimile of The Muppet Show intro.
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