Divine Exit: Why God Abruptly Quit ‘Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives’
Is it just me, or did anyone else expect the Almighty to have a little more patience with reality TV? I mean, after creating light, the cosmos, and that whole platypus thing, surviving six seasons of “The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives” should be a cake walk, right? Yet here we are, watching God Himself slide dramatically out of the heavens, citing “enough of the drama”—honestly, who blames Him? There’s only so many confessionals a Supreme Being can handle before even the most divine spirit feels their eternal patience fraying at the seams . I got whiplash just reading His “goodbye, I will be taking My majesty elsewhere” Instagram story (seriously, imagine typing that with thunderbolts), and I have to admit—I’m equal parts astonished and absolutely tickled at the thought of Him popping up on “The Traitors.” So, what happens when you mix omnipotence with guilty-pleasure TV chaos? Let’s just say, even divinity knows when to quit a group chat . LEARN MORE
THE HEAVENS—Asserting that He’d had “enough of the drama,” the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, shocked fans Tuesday by announcing His abrupt departure from The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives. “Though this series has been a huge part of My eternal life, I can no longer participate in good faith,” the Supreme Leader of the Universe wrote in a post shared to His Almighty Instagram page, explaining His fears that continuing on with the Hulu reality series for a sixth season would set a bad example for His son, Jesus Christ our Savior. “While I will forever be grateful for the friendships I have made with the women on this show, there are some people whose behavior, frankly, has shaken Me to My spirit’s core. I will fulfill My contractual obligations, filming the rest of My confessionals, and then that’s it, goodbye, I will be taking My majesty elsewhere.” At press time, God revealed He would be competing on the next season of The Traitors.
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