Inside Trump’s Secretive Russia Diesel Deal: What’s Really at Stake?
Picture this: You’re rolling up to the gas pump, wallet in hand, sunglasses on, ready to remortgage your house for a tank of diesel—and then, boom, out pops President Trump, arms wide, saying we’re importing Russian diesel again . All just in time for the midterms! Honestly, have we reached the point where global energy policy is just a yard sale between frenemies? And don’t even get me started on the image—Trump and Putin looking like they’re negotiating who gets the last slice of pizza at a fifth-grader’s birthday party . I can’t decide what’s more head-spinning: the idea that American farmers are apparently guzzling diesel or that “nutty aftertaste” might become the new marketing slogan. Ready to get the full scoop on high-octane diplomacy and campaign contributions with a hint of nut? LEARN MORE
In an effort to lower gas prices ahead of the midterm elections, President Trump agreed to temporarily lift sanctions on Russian diesel exports. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the energy deal struck with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Q: What brought the deal about?
A: Trump recently learned that something called “farmers” subsists by drinking diesel, and he knew he had to act.
Q: Won’t this inject much-needed money into the Russian economy to fuel its war machine?
A: No, in fact it will be coming right back to the U.S. in the form of campaign donations.
Q: What is Russia getting in return?
A: Ukraine.
Q: What is diesel for?
A: Diesel is for ruining your car because you weren’t paying attention at the gas station.
Q: Is Russian diesel different from normal diesel?
A: Yes, it has a nutty aftertaste.
Q: Isn’t Russia currently at war with a U.S. ally?
A: Wait a minute… Yeah, you’re right! Huh.
Q: How has Congress responded?
A: Members of both parties have strongly denounced Hasan Piker.
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