Uncovering the Mystery: What’s Really Behind the Buzz About ‘Wicker’?
Have you ever wondered what happens when a lonely fisherwoman, a rogue basket weaver, and a beefcake named Alexander Skarsgård all crash together in a tidal wave of questionable romance? Well, brace yourself. Wicker isn’t just a movie—it’s practically a fever dream woven together with Olivia Colman’s bait-soaked charm and more existential dread than a HomeGoods forum rabbit hole. Honestly, who among us hasn’t longed for a soulmate meticulously hand-crafted from artisanal twigs—just to see if actual man-shaped décor could love us better? This isn’t your grandmother’s Nicholas Sparks flick, unless she’s recently developed a strange fondness for nipple pasties and philosophical crises about whether Ikea furniture counts as sentient life . Want to know if Skarsgård’s abs are hand-woven or the tragic result of relentless Pilates? Or maybe you’re just curious how a film about “wicker sex” could possibly be so oddly boring? Trust me, I’ve got every splintery detail—plus just enough snark to distract you from your own questionable streaming choices . LEARN MORE
Wicker, a new romantic fantasy film, stars Olivia Colman as a fisherwoman and Alexander Skarsgård as the husband who was created for her by a basket weaver. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.
Q: Who is this movie for?
A: People too ashamed to share what they’re reading.
Q: Is there any merch?
A: Yes, you can buy a pair of wicker nipple pasties in the studio’s online store.
Q: Is the wicker practical or CGI?
Alexander Skarsgård swears he achieved it all through diet and exercise.
Q: What is it based on?
A: “The Wicker Husband,” a fic basketchica78 posted on the HomeGoods forums.
Q: What philosophical questions does the film explore?
A: What is love? Where is the line between machine and human? How can a movie about fucking a man made of wicker still be boring?
Q: Is it good?
A: Do you want to see a wicker guy plow some lady or not?
Q: Why is the wicker husband so devoted to the fisherwoman?
A: So you can start a fight in the car on the way home.
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