Amazon Mogul’s Shocking Late-Night Encounter: Warehouse Worker Held at Gunpoint

Can we just take a second and ponder—what does a billionaire actually need from you after a 12-hour warehouse shift—a dollar, your sneakers, or maybe just your last shred of hope? Because, wow, Jeff Bezos himself supposedly lurking in a parking lot with all the subtlety of an over-caffeinated raccoon just to mug his own employee at gunpoint? That’s a whole new kind of customer obsession, right? I mean, picture the world’s richest man in a ski mask, pistol in hand, shouting over your iPhone 8 (not even a 12!) and seven measly bucks. My mind is just spinning. Is this performance art? Some viral marketing gone absurdly avant-garde? Or maybe it’s Bezos working through his own twisted pipeline of “prime” experiences. Whatever it is, if 2025 doesn’t finally get us off this absurdist rollercoaster, I don’t know what will. Trust me, you’ll want to see every scandalous, jaw-dropping detail. LEARN MORE.

KENOSHA, WI—After lurking in a fulfillment center parking lot until employees had finished their 12-hour shift, Amazon founder and executive chairman Jeff Bezos reportedly mugged one of his company’s warehouse workers at gunpoint Friday. “Just take out your wallet real slow and drop it into my hands—no sudden movements!” said Bezos, his face obscured behind a ski mask as he brandished a Colt pistol in the inventory handler’s face, shouting at him to quit crying and empty his pockets of any valuables. “Only $7? What the hell is this? I should blow your fucking brains out right now. At least I got your health insurance card, so you can’t use that anymore. Give me that iPhone 8, and your sneakers, too.” Reached for comment, local law enforcement confirmed a manhunt was in progress for Bezos, who is said to have fled the scene by private jet.