“Are You a True Trekker? The Shocking Revelation That Divided Our Trivia Team!”
Incidentally, I saw you flirting with the waitress nearly as much as you were considering the questions. Is that what this was about—worming your way onto our team to hit on a girl like a lowly Ferengi? Knowblemen are to pon farr on their own time, Rich. We are an elite bar-trivia team focused on no less than total, devastating victory and the supreme prize of a $25 discount on our bar tab.
Had this gone well, we were considering asking you to join us next month for Trivia Combat starring General Knowledge, where teams of up to six are allowed. You are, after all, very strong on Harry Potter trivia. If only we could Tuvix you and Andrew into one body, we’d be unbeatable. But now? The critical bonds of trust have been shattered like the Crystalline Entity. One day we may get past this—maybe we’ll even laugh like Kirk and Kang in “Day Of The Dove”—but the crude, Berlinghoff Rasmussen–level con you foisted on us last night is, for now, a grave offense.
But perhaps the worst wound of all is that you treated trivia as if it were unimportant.
Larry Groznic is a noted fan-community luminary and sought-after expert on the topics of British television, spy-fi memorabilia, cosplay, RPG adventuring, and limited-edition collectible maquettes. He lives in Cedar Rapids, IA, and is single.
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