“Behind Closed Doors: Why JD Vance’s Elf Costume at Mar-A-Lago Sparks Outrage and Laughter”

In a twist of holiday hilarity that can only be described as a bizarre blend of politics and cheer, JD Vance—Ohio’s own Vice President-elect—found himself donning the fur-lined get-up of an elf at Donald Trump’s exclusive Mar-a-Lago Christmas soiree. One has to wonder: what do you do when you’re itching to impress power players in your freshly pressed suit, but are instead tossed into a gaudy green ensemble to entertain the elite? As Vance pranced around in candy-cane-striped leggings, proclaiming his identity as “JD, the Christmas elf”, he seemed to embody the very spirit of awkwardness this season, mixing politics with the surreal. And while he offered sweets and insights from his memoir, the sight of him wrestling with Trump’s sons sparked laughter and disbelief. Is this what we’ve come to? An elf in a political candyland? Gosh, what a time to be alive! For more on this absurdity, <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/JDVANCEForcedNIBIHAGRcopy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

PALM BEACH, FL—Despite begging to attend the party in his suit like every other member of Donald Trump’s future cabinet, Vice President-elect JD Vance was reportedly forced to dress as an elf Friday for the Mar-a-Lago Christmas party. “Hey everyone, I’m JD, the Christmas elf!” the 40-year-old Ohio senator said in a high-pitched voice, prancing around Trump’s lavishly decorated Florida resort to greet top donors, diplomats, and appointees and wearing a bright-green suit, candy-cane-striped leggings, and a sign that identified him as employee of the month at Santa’s Workshop. “Jolly ol’ St. Nick sent me here all the way from the North Pole to spread Christmas cheer to President Trump’s favorite girls and boys. Now, who wants a sugar plum treat? Or a copy of every elf’s favorite book, Hillbilly Elegy?” At press time, Vance was said to be screaming as Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. pinned him to the ground, ripped off his hat, and demanded to know if his ears were real.