“Behind Closed Gates: What Secrets Is the City Zoo Hiding Before the Landlord Arrives?”

In what could only be described as a wild comedy of errors, the San Diego Zoo staff found themselves in a bit of a jam when their landlord decided to pay an unexpected visit. Just imagine the scene: zookeepers hustling to shove a herd of giraffes into a bathroom while desperately trying to mask the unmistakable odors of their living menagerie! It raises an eyebrow, doesn’t it? How does one explain a bustling zoo—home to 12,000 rare and endangered creatures—amidst the rules of a typical apartment lease? Senior zookeeper Allison Weepie certainly had her hands full, lighting candles and cranking the volume on nature documentaries to keep their furry, feathered, and scaly friends on the down-low. Just when you thought adulting couldn’t get more absurd, here’s a group of zookeepers strategizing how to pass off a colony of penguins as “service animals.” Now, that’s a scenario worth diving into! To see how this chaotic caper unfolds, check out the full article: <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/CityZooNIBIHAGR-copy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

SAN DIEGO—As they shooed a herd of giraffes into a nearby bathroom, workers told reporters Friday that they were frantically scrambling to hide all of the San Diego Zoo’s animals ahead of a visit from the landlord. “He texted an hour ago saying he was dropping in to check the garbage disposal, so we’ve been running around cleaning up evidence of the 12,000 rare and endangered animals we’ve got living here,” senior zookeeper Allison Weepie said while lighting a scented candle to cover the stench of snakes, Gila monsters, and tortoises in the reptile exhibit. “The lease says we’re allowed to have a cat, but it requires a $500 pet fee, which, you know, fuck that. I’m gonna turn up the volume on a nature documentary to drown out all the screaming macaques and parrots. Next we gotta throw tarps over the lions and sweep up the hundreds of pounds of rhino dung. As for the pandas, I’m just gonna tell him we’re pet-sitting for the neighbors.” At press time, workers were overheard explaining to the landlord that the colony of penguins marching through the property were legally protected service animals.