“Behind the Buzzer: NBA Team Doctors Confess Their Shocking Secret About Player Health!”

At the recent NBA sports medicine consortium, team physicians made a hilarious admission that’s almost too good to be true. It turns out their medical expertise is pretty much limited to—wait for it—legs! 🦵 Yes, you heard that right. While they can expertly tackle those common basketball injuries like torn ACLs, they seem baffled by anything above the waist, leaving the mystery of chests and arms unsolved. Is the upper body just a misunderstood extension of the legs? What’s going on with our toes? Brooklyn Nets medical director Harold Riley took a humorous jab at the quirks of the profession, sharing that some physicians even split their focus between the left and right leg! The thought of elite sports medics sidelined by, well, anything other than legs is both amusing and a bit concerning. Curious about how this could impact pro players? Well, you might just want to check out the full story. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/NBATeamPhysiciansNIBG_PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

NEW YORK—Addressing reporters during the league’s annual sports medicine consortium, NBA team physicians admitted Wednesday that the medical stuff they know is almost entirely limited to the legs. “To be completely honest, we mostly just have expertise on the stuff that matters for our players—namely, the two legs,” said Brooklyn Nets medical director Harold Riley, explaining that the NBA has approximately 125 team physicians, all of whom are pretty much clueless about anything going on above the waistline. “You’ve got a torn ACL? We’re going to be able to help you. But we only have a vague idea what the deal is with toes. Everything in the chest is a total mystery. Presumably there are bones and stuff. And maybe arms are kind of like shorter, stubbier legs? But I wouldn’t really feel confident saying either way.” Riley added that many team physicians actually divide responsibilities with a colleague so that each can focus solely on the study of either the left or the right leg.