“Behind the Scenes: Why Peter Thiel Is Desperate to Save J.D. Vance Mid-Broadcast”
In a world where political debates often feel like scripted reality shows, just how far can technology go to help candidates perform? Well, venture capitalist Peter Thiel took tech support to a whole new level when he dashed onstage mid-debate to troubleshoot his glitching vice presidential candidate, J.D. Vance. As frustration mounted over Vance’s awkward, circuitous answers—including jaw-droppingly inappropriate phrases like “girls of menstruating age”—Thiel’s solution involved a paperclip and some old-fashioned rebooting. One has to wonder: is Vance’s malfunction a case of typical political blunders or something more sinister, like a covert malware attack? As the evening unfolded, it felt like reality—a lurching, unpredictable journey of outlandish claims and comedic misfires. Join us as we delve into this bizarre scenario that feels like it could be straight out of an absurdist comedy. LEARN MORE.
NEW YORK—Cursing under his breath at yet another round of inapt debate answers from the vice presidential candidate, venture capitalist Peter Thiel reportedly rushed onstage Tuesday to restart a glitching J.D. Vance during a commercial break. “Seriously? For what I paid for this thing, it should work flawlessly,” said the billionaire investor, striding confidently past moderator Norah O’Donnell to insert a paperclip into Vance’s ear and initiate a hard reset that might stop the short-circuiting candidate from repeating the phrase “girls of menstruating age” in response to a question on inflation. “Shit, I probably just need to wipe its memory banks clean. I’ll have to re-upload all the anti-pornography tirades, but it’s better than spending the evening on edge worried about another malfunction. Probably some kind of Russian malware got installed, honestly.” At press time, Thiel was seen rapidly paging through Vance’s instruction manual as the politician sparked up and said the word “inseminate” in an increasingly high-pitched voice.
The post Peter Thiel Rushes To Restart Glitching J.D. Vance During Commercial Break appeared first on The Onion.
CHECK OUT ALL THE HOTTEST DEALS ON AMAZON!
Amazon Fire 7 tablet (newest model) 7” display, read and watch, under $80 with 10-hour battery life, 32 GB, Black
$79.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Saloogoe Long Sleeve Shirts for Women Tunic Tops for Women Loose Fit Dressy Crew Neck Pullover Basic Sweaters for Women 2024
$19.99 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
SUPCASE for iPhone 16 Pro Max Case with Camera Control Capture Button (Unicorn Beetle Mag), [Compatible with MagSafe] [Military-Grade Protection] Slim Clear Shockproof Magnetic Phone Case, Black
$18.99 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Amazon Fire HD 10 tablet (newest model) built for relaxation, 10.1" vibrant Full HD screen, octa-core processor, 3 GB RAM, 32 GB, Black
$139.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Cats Dogs ID Tags Personalized Lovely Symbols Pets Collar Name Accessories Simple Custom Engraved Products for Extra Small Four Legged Child Necklace Chain Anti-Lost Shiny Stainless Steel Charm
$5.98 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
3mm Tiny CZ Screw on Flat Back Stud Earrings,Gold Plated Flat Back Cubic Zirconia Earrings for Helix Cartilage Tragus Earlobe Piercing Jewelry Gift for Women Men(3mm CZ, Gold)
$10.95 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Apple Watch Series 10 [GPS 46mm case] Smartwatch with Jet Black Aluminium Case with Black Sport Band - M/L. Fitness Tracker, ECG App, Always-On Retina Display, Water Resistant
$410.00 (as of October 19, 2024 18:33 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
SZIVYSHI Corset Tops for Women, Bustier Shapewear Lingerie, Lace Waist Push Up Bodysuit
$23.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
ESOXOFFORE Instant Print Camera for Kids, Christmas Birthday Gifts for Girls Boys, HD Digital Video Cameras for Toddler, Portable Toy for 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Year Old Girl with 32GB SD Card-Purple
$31.99 (as of October 20, 2024 18:38 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Post Comment