Bride’s Revealing Vows Expose Stunning Secrets She Hid to Please Groom

I’ll admit, I’ve been to my fair share of weddings—usually for the open bar and those tiny shrimp cocktails that vanish in about four seconds—but I have genuinely never seen anything quite like the circus that was Tatiana and Felix’s nuptials . I mean, really, how far would you bend into marital origami for love? If there was a gold medal for “personality reinvention,” Tatiana just triple-flipped and stuck the landing. The vows alone had her old friends clutching their vegan clutches and shooting each other the “is this performance art?” glance. From CrossFit with the groom to miraculous religious conversions and a $7,000 dress that probably cost more than her old car, our once-rebel bride delivered a masterclass in self-rebranding . Would you let your significant other feed you buttercream cake in public, or prefer to keep a little dignity—and a whole lot of frosting—off your face? Dive in and judge for yourself over at the source. LEARN MORE.

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Raising their eyebrows at the bride’s assertion that she was “adventurous,” wedding guests of Tatiana Hines and Felix Byrne confirmed Friday that the couple’s vows were a damning chronicle of how much she had changed herself for him. “She keeps thanking God for bringing him into her life, but wasn’t she a staunch atheist, like, two and a half years ago?” said guest Madelyn Gonzalez, frowning as Hines, who had once stated that if she ever got married she would have a budget-friendly ceremony at city hall, stood in a $7,000 dress at the altar before nearly 500 people who were primarily friends, family members, coworkers, and acquaintances of the groom. “When I first met her, she didn’t watch any sports. Now she’s saying the favorite part of her weekend is watching the Ravens game with him after CrossFit? Huh. At least he didn’t have to change a single thing for her.” At press time, the former militant vegan was reportedly opening her mouth wide so her new husband could feed her a piece of buttercream-frosted cake.