Chaos Erupts as Pete Hegseth Strides Nude Through Secretive, Media-Free Pentagon
Is it possible to have too much transparency in government? Say you’re at the Pentagon, expecting the usual buttoned-up military precision, but then Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth strides by—completely naked, whistling as if he’s just won the lottery and maybe just a little too eager to ditch more than just bureaucracy. I mean, talk about a wardrobe “malfunction” redefining command presence! There’s something so oddly liberating, yet mildly alarming, about the thought of national security’s top dog encouraging his subordinates to join him for a stroll in their birthday suits, all while SiriusXM classic rock is blaring like he’s running a covert operation at Woodstock. Wasn’t there a memo about “dressing for the job you want,” or did Pete just toss it out with the last press badge? If this is what “press freedom” looks like, maybe the real secret at the Pentagon is how anyone keeps a straight face. LEARN MORE
ARLINGTON, VA—Whistling and cheerfully pumping his arms as he strolled through the corridors of the U.S. military’s headquarters, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth reportedly walked fully nude Friday around the newly press-free Pentagon. “Come on, everybody, don’t be shy!” said Hegseth, who yelled to be heard over the SiriusXM classic rock station blasting from his office as he urged his subordinates to disrobe with him. “Forget all my grumbling about fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon—it’s time to cut loose! Those stick-in-the-mud reporters can’t stop us now. At least take off your shoes! Be free! Don’t mind those guys over there. They’re not real journalists; they’re One America News.” At press time, sources reported that Hegseth was doing nude pull-ups in one of the Pentagon’s SCIFs.
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