“Confessions of Childhood: 72 Women Reveal the Most Heartbreaking Lessons From Their Fathers’ Mistakes”
Lastly, studies have shown that girls who are taught about bodily autonomy and consent aren’t at any greater or lesser risk of being victimized by a r*pist. But knowing ‘your body is yours and your consent matters’ makes them more likely to report abuse and assault.
Not showing a healthy range of emotions or how to work with emotions.
My dad was of the “emotions are irrational and should be shut down” camp. Ie. Scream at the kid to stop crying.
Because anger didn’t count as an emotion.
I cut contact with him nearly ten years ago, because he was an overall piece of s**t, but these are a couple of examples of how not to be a daughter’s father. Or anyone’s father.
When I was just hitting puberty, I was in a store with my dad and picked out a hair removal cream. He asked why I needed that, and I said for my under arms, and he laughed in my face. Loads of people looked at us really awkwardly. I was mortified.
Also, he would tell me off and call me names for showing emotions other than neutrality or happiness (but not too much happiness). When I was about 7 or 8, I cried watching “All dogs go to heaven”, and he called me a “stupid f*****g c**t” for crying over a cartoon. Now I’m 28, with a monotone voice that I can’t get rid of without putting a hell of a lot of effort in. I really struggle any time I get gifts, because I know my face and voice often don’t show how grateful and excited I am. I also have anger issues, because I was never taught how to deal with frustration and anger, I was just made to bottle it up instead.
Being *too* overprotective. It has the opposite effect. Your daughter will be so scared of your overreaction that if something actually happens, she’ll be hesitant to tell you.
Being absent in younger teen years. My dad worked hard for us so I don’t begrudge the roof over my head nor the food in my belly. BUT he missed out on so many special events, first dance, band performances, special events etc because he was working. He didn’t see how my mother treated me and my siblings. He didn’t see the harm she was inflicting on us and herself with her drinking. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him. As an adult we have a much better relationship but I’m still sad he wasn’t more present in my early life.
Not trying to understand or communicate with them. I was the only girl in my friends group that had a father she could hold a conversation with. Most of my girlfriends had fathers who were toxic or not involved. They never talked about feelings or thoughts. It was sad. My father and I talked about all kinds of things and he taught me about everything. I could ask him anything. He took the time.
Telling women to be more patient and tolerant of the men in their lives because they “don’t know any better” and that it’s the woman’s job to keep the household together.
This came from my single mom and she has a son and a daughter who are both adults. Guess who still cooks, cleans, and does the laundry for their son while the daughter does that for herself in the same household?
Teach your daughter to respect herself more. If any person (man or woman) can’t keep up with basic physical and emotional expectations, teach them. If they are unteachable or not respectful, leave them.
Asking your child if they’re on their period when they display any emotions. Also not spending quality time with your daughter because you only want to do “boy” things with your sons.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but my standards for how I expected to be treated in a relationship came from watching my dad interact with my mom. And surprise, surprise, my first relationship was with an emotionally abusive and controlling person who made me feel like I was worth nothing. (I went to therapy and now I’m in a healthy relationship and don’t speak to my parents. :))
So I would say the way you treat your wife is a reflection of the relationships your daughter will probably default toward in the future. If you treat your wife kindly, like a person who is worthy of respect and care, your daughter is likely to find a partner who does the same for her. If you don’t, the reverse becomes more probable.
Getting angry for something the kid doesn’t know, and never teaching it (Not before and not even after getting angry).
Doing something you know it upsets the kid on purpose.
Hitting doors and stuff in the house because you’re angry.
Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping.
(Forgive my english, I´m not native).
Not understanding that you are more than capable of making such poor decisions that you lose your child’s love, trust and loyalty and that they may never want to speak to you again.
– from a daughter who doesn’t speak with her dad because of the choices he made.
