“Confessions of Childhood: 72 Women Reveal the Most Heartbreaking Lessons From Their Fathers’ Mistakes”
When I was under the age of 10, my dad would take me on fishing/hunting trips, etc. After puberty started, forget it. In fact, I remember being 15, and I expressed interest in wanting to go hunting for a few hours. Time comes around to head out, and I go outside just for my other relatives to tell me Dad already left (and took my 16M cousin with him, instead).
For the longest time, I really didn’t spend much alone time with my dad because I felt as though he wasn’t interested in spend time with me.
The gross oversexualizing jokes.
My dad would always always joke about my breast and body, call us virgins or whores and it was always f*****g weird, he didn’t stop until around the 5th time I screamed at him to stop sexualizing his own kids.
Yelling constantly, and then yelling when I would cry. After an hour or so, would apologize. If I didn’t accept the apology, he would start yelling again and the cycled repeated. He apologized with words a billion times but almost never changed his actions.
My dad was so worried about my older brother’s success that my own was swept under the rug. Was constantly told “not to brag” or “show off” about job offers, when I bought my first house, or hit any milestone before my brother. I didn’t speak to my dad for a long time because I couldn’t stand it.
I was invisible, I have not one loving moment with my father. I was never smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Just treating me like I mattered at all would have been amazing.
My dad was, in nearly every respect, a wonderful father — *far* more involved than any of my peers’ dads, and he raised me to understand that I could, and would, do everything my brothers did. Nothing was ever off limits because of gender, nothing was “a boy thing,” and he was happy to entertain and foster any of my interests, whether stereotypically “girly” or otherwise. He always made time for me, often at serious cost/effort, but never ever made it seem like a hardship.
I don’t know how common this is, but the one thing I’d criticize him for was being clear that he had a preference for a particular style/aesthetic that my mom adhered to and that I, for most of my young life, did as well — to the degree that I was irrationally guilty and afraid to ever change my looks or style. Like, pathologically afraid to change it. (To be clear, he wasn’t weird or applied any pressure about it, just kind of a “X natural feature you both share is so incredibly beautiful and rare and it would be such a shame to change it.) I still struggle with making noticeable changes to my looks because for my whole life I cared so much about living up to his expectations and not disappointing him, and this was something that got buried in there as a way to be a disappointment.
So maybe my advice to dads is: make sure you daughter knows you’re supportive of her style choices, even if they aren’t your favorite? It’s small but it matters, especially when your daughter craves your approval. Even if you know she’d always have it.
Dads treating their daughter’s virginity like it’s their possession to give to a male of their choosing, instead of recognizing that it belongs to their daughter. S****y bonus points to the dads that try to fight their daughter’s boyfriends.
Treating sons differently when it comes to bf/gf relationships….
My younger brother was caught making out in the high school bathroom with a girl and my dad said good job 🙄
I was in high school and he saw me with a guy’s arm around me, no kissing, and absolutely freaks out, grounds me etc. Like what the actual f**k.
Mostly the same as with any kid: being abusive. But in regards to being a woman specifically my dad’s lowest point was probably when he said “if you go out at night it means you want to be r*ped”.
Not talking to their daughters and using silence as a punishment. Or saying that “not speaking to their own daughter was the best time of their life they’ve ever had.” Telling their daughter they don’t care to know who they are and don’t care to want to get to know them but talk about how they should get to know their other kids. Not ever saying I love you. And I’m riding off of another person that posted this but not actively listening.
A big reason I don’t have a good relationship with my dad is because he didn’t take any interest in things that interested me as a kid… I was basically on my own when we’d be with him.
A dad is supposed to show his daughter how she should be treated by a future husband. Being kind. Always supportive. Having patience.
Never judge her for her looks. Don’t embarrass her about her growing boobs or period stuff.
Never mention her weight in a negative way. Don’t have the mindset that you can’t be a Dad if you’re no longer with the mother. Fight for her if need be. Never sexualize her or speak about other women in a sexual way around her. A girls Dad is how she learns trust in a man. Y’all’s roles are so much more important than you realize.
My dad never stops until he is stopped. He called my younger brother “Stupid” as a nickname for months. We told him to stop nicely. He could clearly see that his EIGHT year old son was hurt by the nickname. What got him to stop was me blowing up at him.
The world revolves around him. We could have been rushing all morning to get ready to go somewhere. My mom, siblings, and I would be loaded in the car and he would be sitting watching TV with the keys in his hand. He refused to get ready on the morning of my cousin’s funeral until I yelled at him. He never considers other people’s needs or emotions. He doesn’t even notice them if it’s not an extreme reaction.
