“Confessions of Childhood: 72 Women Reveal the Most Heartbreaking Lessons From Their Fathers’ Mistakes”
He never recognizes my mother. He wouldn’t survive a week without her, yet he treats her like she’s stupid.
He made me reactive and angry. My mom hates it. I yell and then he gets pissy and distant. I love the silent treatment from him, but my mom is too much of a peacekeeper. I wish she would grow a spine. I wish she would leave. She told me that she was on the cusp of divorcing him when I was a toddler. I had to but my tongue to not say “I wish you did”
It’s easier to have one major fight than have to watch my mother walk on eggshells for weeks in hopes he got sick of whatever ‘joke’ caught his fancy. One time he asked me why I always “rip his head off.” That conversation went as well as you would expect.
Teasing them about their looks, no matter how small or innocent it seems.
Not educating them financially. Girls can earn, save and invest money. Financial education should start at home. It’s better than constantly learning the hard way as women often have to do later on in life.
Not dealing with or recognizing their internal (or external) misogyny.
Expecting their daughter to mature really fast while letting their son be a child for way to long.
Treating their emotions like they’re petty. Don’t belittle their very real feelings by saying it’s hurt “girl drama”.
Eh, so many things. Two main things though.
1) My father made me feel so bad about my body, I am still struggling with my body at 38. My weight, size, appearance, style, and so much more we’re always left wanting. I was never pretty to him. My mother and step mother received a similar treatment. They were never enough. I still don’t know what my body should be. I struggle every hour of every day because I am not pretty.
2) My father made me feel bad/embarrassed for loving him. Once I became a preteen, my affection was no longer okay. Pushed away from hugs, snide comments about notes in cards, and so on.
Treating them like a son you didn’t get.
It’s fine if you have ‘manly’ interest and want to share them with your daughter, car repair, camping , sports. Share away however don’t go around saying how you’re raising her like a boy, or how she’s the easiest girl ever because you share interest, she is not you stand in for a son. Support all he in stress even if/when she expresses interests that differ from you, in to ‘girly’ things, support that, don’t make comments about how girly it is, oh I’m sunrises you like that etc. She can do both.
I’m an only child, and before I was born, the doctors told my parents I was going to be a boy (apparently I’d curl into a ball during ultrasounds and the umbilical cord+a conveniently placed bubble made it appear that I had an extra appendage) but spoiler alert: I am not.
The gender disappointment has been felt for pretty much all my 22 years on this earth, and it has sucked so bad. My dad would try to get me to like the things he did, and I tried to form that bond with him, but it never really happened. We butted heads more than we got along.
I never really learned what meaningful relationships with men should be like (he was never abusive but parenting/being a role model wasn’t really his strong suit).
Anywho, now I’ve got trust issues and problems with self-esteem and needing to prove that I deserve love and attention. Thankfully I found a lovely boyfriend who gives me assurance and cares for me rather than taking advantage of my daddy issues 🤣.
Don’t treat her like other women that you don’t understand. If she’s crying on seemingly stupid things, don’t be like Oh “I don’t understand girls”, even if it’s just in your mind, just drop that attitude and try to be supportive and understanding. & don’t make her feel alienated or stupid for liking the feminine things (if she does) even if you don’t know anything about them.
Being afraid to do what she wants, even if that’s stereotypical little girl stuff.
I cherish the tea parties I was able to have with my dad growing up, painting each others nails, doing each others hair. It developed my perception of masculinity and I learned about caring about someone in the way they ask to be cared for, not in the way you’d prefer for yourself.
* Overprotectiveness / sheltering / isolating their daughters
* Body shaming their daughters
* Holding daughters to a double standard, essentially cutting them off from important opportunities and thwarting their ambitions and interests if they don’t correspond to “feminine” norms
* Not being emotionally available and, oftentimes, physically available (i.e. spending time with their daughters)
This list is specific to daughters; there are all kinds of other things that many dads (and moms) do wrong with kids of any sex or gender. (Also, it’s not to say that dads don’t screw up with their sons in these ways, e.g. body shaming or holding sons to traditionally masculine stereotypes, but that’s not what OP asked, and in any case in a patriarchal society these kinds of parental failures hit girls different than boys.).
